Thoughts

To All Women, Here Is Why You Must Keep Your Career On Track After Getting Married

Nothing is more blissful than being a wife of someone who love you so much.

Someone who might give you tons of promises to always be together since he gives you a ring. That sacred ring where all your waiting ends. And you believe him because this was one of your ultimate goals; to get married and build a family. When you finally say yes, everything in your world turns a little different. Getting money and a job promotion are no longer on your first list. Showing off your hectic life in your office story is no more interesting for you.

That’s why you don’t feel anything when you have to give the resignation letter to your boss. Even if your boss ensures you with the question, “You are on the top of your career, are you sure to do this?” You nod without any hesitation. So what? Because you have a real life now. The life you have been dreaming of; being his Mrs.

The comeback from your sweet honeymoon might still feels a dreamlike. Waking up beside him and still sometimes can’t believe yourself that you are now his. Watching and cuddling with him beneath the warm and cozy blanket. And then voluntarily move to prepare for his breakfast before he works. And still, it feels like a dream comes true. Posting all your breakfast and daily newlywed’s activities almost everyday because you want to share the happiness you have with him. Your one and only husband. You want the world know.

You don’t mind even if you spend your entire 20s life to chase that degree which only ends up in this kitchen. You have no objection to agree with what he ask that it’s better for you to fully stay at home. All day long. Cleaning the house, sometimes doing grocery shopping, learning new skills of how to be a great wife on the kitchen and bed, and sometimes just flicking to the television on the couch.

You are happy and there’s no need to wonder.

And then you are now having his baby in your tummy. The little him. You will soon to be a mother and he looks more than wonderful to know it. He takes care of you very much because he just anxious if something happen with the baby. Until your due date comes and he accompanies your labor. And then it’s a perfect package of complete happiness; A little family. What a sweet story everyone dreams of.

But you know what, it’s not because I am being a sarcastic or pessimist that I have to tell you the bitter part. The other story you might never watched before because perhaps you’ve been living in a very peaceful bunch of families and neighborhood along this time. The truth is that;

I have been witnessing many women in my life suffering after the passing of their husband.

Not only because of the death tear them apart, but also because of divorce. Some might end up with the grief they try to cope, some struggle so hard to strike a blow for their certainty of legal issues, some fight to win back their own property things, and some just try to keep breathing like a normal when they definitely can’t.

This somehow reminds me of what my mom ever said, “Never cease your career life even if you have a rich husband and he promises to vouched for your entire life.” And when I asked why, she didn’t answer. But now I got it.

Surviving your career life after getting married isn’t only about keeping the money flows, but also maintaining your networking.

I know, you can still have a certain kind of society without being an employee. But this case, I talk about the opportunity and doors that might open for you. With or without your husband meddled with. It’s okay to cut down your very busy schedule by re-negotiating your position with your boss if it’s possible. Rather than giving it up at all. It’s okay not to give your time as much as when you were still single. Because you have to take care your household life.

But again, if you’re now a career woman and getting married with someone, I think you need to reconsider if you want to change from a full time employee into a full time wife.

Let’s just talk the sorest part we never want to face. If someday, something happen with your marriage, and your husband leaves you in a situation in which you are a full time wife, either forever or for other woman, and he doesn’t leave any penny for you, what will happen with you and perhaps your children? Are you going to give up being a mother for them?

I’m sure you won’t unless you still have a Cinderella’s mother lineage.

The main benefit if you keep your career on track after married is surely in your financial life. You might have to handle your husband’s money, but you have your own. You can either use it to support him or just spend it for your fun. The other advantage is on your self-esteem, how you value yourself as not only a wife but also a woman separated from your married life. Yourself still have a high price even if you’re no longer single. Out of the Mrs. title in front of your name, you have your intellectual badass mind, a sexy brain, and a youthful skills of work, and of course piles of professional experiences that many companies willing to buy.

Means, if the bitter scenario of your marriage runs, you still can be alive with a normal breathing. You might struggle as a single parent, but not as hard as those who decided to cut off their career. You might face a rocky way to maintain your household needs, but not as hard as those who doesn’t even have anything to sale.

So, all the Mrs. soon to be, being a career woman doesn’t mean you are an alpha independent who doesn’t know where your root as a wife, but it shows that you always have a backup plan. Because nothing is sure in this life. You need to be ready for every kind of change.

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Cut Off All The Bridging And Stop Feeding Yourself A Mixed-Signal

Do you think that your current Facebook status will be understood by the person you targeted?
Do you expect that your sudden missing manner will send the right signal to the person you wished to?

Do you even think that your silence will make them notice that you actually want to be heard?
Do you wish that the way you give a very short text back will make them wondering if there is something wrong with you?
Do you hope that when you put some deep pathetic quotes on your Instagram will be received as some hint for them?
That when they finally realize you are acting different and they ask you why, you will just say that you are okay and nothing is happening?

 

The truth is that many times people are busy with their own life and problem.

Their daily happy routine. Their fave cup of coffee. The song they fancy the most. Even the complaints from their boss and clients. The high stack of their daily task that soon need to be done. The bills they receive from letter in their mailbox. The tired heart they try to fight every morning.

They have their own business to handle everyday and keeping an attention to interpret all your bridging and signal is no longer necessary for them.

They don’t have a time and they don’t want to spare a time for it. Because again, they also have their own life.
And if you hate getting a mixed signal from people because you are tired to seek all the meaning behind it by yourself, just stop sending them yours first.

 

Stop thinking that it will be good for you telling them implicitly rather than frontally. Stop hoping that all those hints you send will be properly decoded by them. Stop wanting them to understand what inside your mind every night.

Stop it and just cut off all the bridging. Tell them instead. Clear and bright.

If you miss them but they never have a time for you, just tell them that you thirst for their hours. If you angry with them because of the latest conversation you have, just shout it and fix it until it gets right. If you always be the one who tries to keep things go between you both, just freaking say that you need them to do it too, so that your relationship will be balanced. And if you doubt about your feeling toward them because they sometimes send the puzzling signal, ask them. Ask them whether they really want to stay with you.
They are not a fortune teller, not a paranormal, nor a spiritualist. They can’t peek inside your heart, they can’t hear you feeling, they can’t always see what’s your real meaning, that’s why you need to seriously tell them.

 

Because if you keep bound in this kind of hoping game, it is you the one that will eventually get hurt. It is you the one that will feel as if they don’t want to understand you. And it is you the one that finally will just let them go again because you think they don’t want to keep you. In fact they just have no idea of how to do it. Just let them know.

*

 

Here Is For You Who Is Thinking To End Your Life

Dear you,

I understand that this life is tough, rough, and sheer. As well as I know that not everyone notice about it. Many times we lose our grip and go astern being a sophist who seems lose our way. Not a few times we have to let go things we love the most. Often we feel like we are far left behind compared to our surrounding. We think that we are the only one whose life is messed up. Our visions and dreams are scattered everywhere and it seems like it’s too hard to put those all back together. Every step we take seems like brings us nowhere. Our goal is getting farer that it seems impossible to reach it. It’s like there is no point of waking up every morning.

I know that you might be hard to see the light in the end of tunnel. It seems like you are blinded, all you can see is darkness. All you can hear is an uproar of annoying noise. And all you can do is just sitting in the back of your locked door, wondering if it’s better for you not to be born at all. You feel pointless, wasted, and unavailin. A fool for one’s pains.

I do see that at this very time, you are getting numb. You can’t feel your own feeling, you can’t touch your own heart, and you can’t see your own shadow. You really don’t have any idea of how to live like a normal being. Even breathing seems like a hard work for you. You don’t want to see a mirror because you just hate yourself so much that you can’t even see your own reflection.

And dear you,

I can surely understand that when you come to the very bottom of your life like this, you might leave of your own senses. You only want to be alone but you are also obsessed to get along with people. You want to laugh hard as much as you want to cry out loud. You want to love and to be loved but you also hate everybody so much, even your parents and your friends. You feel like being alienated. You think that the universe never get along with you. You feel alone in these crowded earth.

And at this very climax of your suffering heart, I understand that you start thinking you are a messed, ripped, and cluttered. Your self is broken in pieces but nobody can see it. You begin to wonder if you are getting crazy and abnormal. You are scared of ended up by having a mental illness and everyone will just leave you eventually. In fact, each of us somehow surely have a certain kind of psychological disorder. And it’s not just you.

And dear, I also know when you are walking through the high bridge, you might think to just jump. Or when you hand a knife while slicing a meat, you might think it’s better for you slicing your wrist instead. Or when you pour a disinfectant, the thought of drinking it up ever crosses your mind. You think, what’s the point of surviving now when you no longer have a reason to keep breathing.

I really understand it well.

But dear, I tell you something. A secret that you might never think before.

If you are thinking that your life is lost and your steps lead to nowhere, just being a wanderer. Many times, a wanderer will find their own special place that nobody knows it. If you are thinking that you don’t understand your own feeling, just talk to them. Sometimes, talking to your own self is the best way to getting know your own feeling.

And if you are thinking of how ripped you are, that’s what makes you a masterpiece. Your each piece is worth more than anything and that’s what makes you special.

Life is hard, I know. You feel like you can’t hang on because it’s too much loads on your back, I know. You think that no one can understand you, maybe you just need to communicate it. Don’t supress your burdens alone. People are there for you.

And if you think that quitting your life is a best solution; it ain’t.

Dear you,

If you are feeling too tired to continue your life, too exhausted to open your eyes, just take times to rest. Do whatever you like. If you want to sleep, go sleep. If you want to get wild and scream out loud, just do it. If you want to go somewhere expensive, just go. All you need to do is don’t quit. Don’t cut your life. Don’t finish it now. Because someone somewhere out there is hoping to have you in their life.

So, stay alive and stay breathing.

Are Some People Meant To Be Born As A Player?

First, let’s just set the common perception about a player.

We refer a player in here as a person who likes to play a mind and psychological game in order to attract people in their surrounding, especially their opposite sex. With or without relationship attached, with or without an obvious reason.

I’m sure that you might ever meet or even have a relationship with these kind of people, a player in your life. It perhaps you just didn’t know that they were or you did but you kept things going because you just curious of how things would go. Maybe, by thinking that they would change for you.

While unfortunately, they didn’t. At all.

It’s hard not to admit that a player often has a certain irresistable charm for us.

They often look somehow attractive, good looking, talkative, nice, even popular in their own way. It’s just inevitable that we somehow eventually tricked on their sex appeal. It could be the way they socialize, the way they think about some matters, or maybe it’s just the charm of their physical appearance.

The problem comes when we are getting to know closer with them, we realize that they just try to attract us so that we could join the ‘fanbase’ they have been making along this time. We might notice this from their social medias. If you are a guy, you notice that there are tons of ‘oh girl you look so beautiful, when are we gonna meet?’ comments on her every posting that end up being unreplied. If you are a girl, you see it from how much he spreads the love buttons along with leaving the ‘hey girl you look cute as always’ comment in many of ladies’ postings. Crap.

It’s actually easy to know if someone is player.

As a human, either you are a guy or girl, we have an instinct, a gut feeling that tells us something implicitly, including this case. But at worst, even if we know that perhaps it’s not only us getting hurt by them, we still feel that hurt. Knowing that the attention they gave to us was actually not too special. They sell it to everyone.

So, the question comes after that is whether some people meant to be born as a player?

M. Farouk Radwan tells that there are certain reasons people end up by being a player and I could highlight that it is all about the insecurity.

A player who often stands up as a confident (sometimes over confident) person is actually not that confident. They even are still trying to reassure their selves by getting a validation from the other. Yes, it’s like they are needing a prove from outward so bad. Because they still couldn’t discover their very own selves, they need an approval from others. They hunger for their ‘oh you are so attractive and good looking that I can’t even resist’ just to make sure that they are. They thirst of ‘I miss you and I want to be on your side’ just to know that their presence are needed.

Many of players are actually craving for the feeling of being wanted and desired.

No wonder, if you are currently making a relationship with someone like this, you are often trapped being ghosted. Five days in a row he or she was so clingy and showering you with their attention, and the next two weeks he or she would just disappeared from your orbit. No text, no call, nothing but they kept updating their social lives online. The strongest reason is that they want you to want them. They want you to prioritize them by showing that you are not always their priority. Ouch.

So, what shall we do if we fall for these kind of people?

Stop feeding them a validation they always seek from us.

I know that we love to play a game since we were child. But it’s a big no no for these kind of mind and psychological games. We will be wounded, especially our self-esteem and our self-regard. Because, once we are surviving them, letting our own selves tricked in their games, we will often fall in a feeling of insecure. We will doubting ourselves many times because of feeling not enough for them. Especially when they start to spread their hook and play as a ghost. We will slowly lose our value and self-love by feeling not worthy for them.

It might be hard at the first because as I said before, they somehow have a very strong magnetic charm that we often can’t resist. But, how many times will we let them playing our psychological feeling? How many chance will we give for them to threat our mental health?

All I could say, let the player play while we love the lover. Shake it off!

Because We Are Still Young, Options Are Everywhere

Have you ever been crushing to someone and hoping that he or she will just belong with you?

Ever since and then, you feel like you want to own them, just by your self. You become easy to feel curious, suspicious, or even jealous if they give their attention to the other. You don’t want them to hangout, call, text, or even just hit the like button of other’s Instagram! You feel like—he or she is mine and no one could belong him or her but me. Duh, sounds so possessive, isn’t it?

Chill out, I tell you, that is normal.

It is the feeling that growing from fancying to liking to loving and want to owning. But, have you ever thought as a person that has just entered someone’s middle chapter? Many times when I meet new people and we start getting closer, I tend to think that I am just a new person who is walking through his or her life. I don’t even know what the story before the chapter I walk in. That perhaps, he or she has already had someone special in their lives. That perhaps, he or she has already had some routines that not including me and they have been just fine. And that perhaps, I will just mean nothing in their lives.

So, I talk with someone about this poignant feeling that often happen to me. You know what that person said to me?

You are still young, so does he or she, you guys still have another options, and you both are frankly allowed to choose.

It’s really provoking me. Damn, it is right! Along this whole time, I only kept myself busy by thinking ‘what ifs’. What if he or she don’t like my existence in their lives? What if we don’t go well afterward? What if I will just be the reader of his or her chapter and not the character? What if I mean nothing for him or her? These insecurities are killing me.

In fact, I should have just kicked that kind of thought and just explored other options that I might had these times. Instead of worrying about my meaning to their lives, I could just let it chill. Because I also have options to explore, right? Because WE still have zillions options to try. So, let it be, catch the fishes out there and have some fun journey!

*

This Is How Similar Getting A New Job With Getting A New Lover

Drama is everywhere and it also happens in working.

Started when we were a newbie in office, the shy one, up until we have to wave goodbye and move on to the other office. Especially when we have a certain kind of strong bonding with the old office. It will not be easy to just move and adapt with new one. And I think, it somehow has a similarity with building a new relationship.

It was when we just resigned from the previous office after having lots of drama behind. The pain was still there and so did the memory. Days after that, we tend to have such a feeling of want to try a new thing but still can’t let go the old one. For me, it took some days to completely focus on seeking new opportunities. Just like our relationship, or maybe this one is harder. When we have just broken up with our lover, the healing took times.

It depends on how strong the bonding we had.

And then when the opportunity comes, we might feel excited about that. We think that this perhaps will lead to a better one. We attend the interview and selection with many hopes we bring with us. But the challenge is not finished there. When we walk into the new office will be, we start scanning around and badly, comparing to the old one. Then the thought comes, I don’t think I can feel comfy here. We-start-doubting-your-decision.

But show must go on, right? We keep going and we know that this time we need to choose the better one, the job that might settle us at least for 2 years ahead. Not the one that only give us a temporary slight comfy. So, we become a little bit picky because we don’t want to make another mistake. And when it doesn’t go well, we will be just okay. It’s better to have a rocky road in the beginning than drown in the big wave afterward, we assume.

So, we keep pushing our selves to walk. We seek, send resume, attend the interview and selection, make negotiation, over and over. Up until we start feeling exhausted. We feel tired to only walk from one opportunity to the other without having a real certainty. Just like meeting tons of new guys without having a real serious one. It is tiring somehow and we know it.

But there is one thing we can learn from both, seeking new guys and seeking new offices: We can’t avoid making a mistake in this life. Mistake is a part of our steps and so does the pain from the aftermath.

Even we think that we have chosen and done the best, the mistake will still be there at some point. But we have to also remember, mistake and failure are just bruises, not a tattoo. All we need to do is just keep going. We are gonna make it.

You are gonna make it.

*

Welcome To Tinder-ish World, A Place Where You Could Find An Agony

One day, I ever asked my manager why he used Tinder while he’s already married with a very kind and pretty woman. He said, just for fun. Well, that’s not surprising, at all.

Online dating has been developed since many times ago. If you ever heard chatting room applications with stranger such as miRC and Mingle, you would not be surprised of how Tinder becomes so popular recently. You don’t even need to wonder why.

If you have a chance to see a whole online catalogue, why bother walking around from mall to mall?

Yes, those such of Tinder-ish online dating applications cater us a very instant options of a good guys and ladies out there. Or at least, that’s just how it looks. There would be a point plus for us who have such a busy life and who want to have an instant catch. Wow, techno!

As our grand-grand-grand uncle, Einstein said, “I fear the day  that technology will surpass our human interaction.”

It’s really happening now. You might ever read stuffs of how dangerous Tinder-ish (or even social medias) affects dating nowadays, start from a forced hookups, rape, up to murder. Scary, yet true.

I will not tell you a lie, I admit that I used Tinder-ish too.

First, because I was just curious of how it works. Second, I wanted to know what kind of people there. Third, because much of my colleagues used it too just for their fun. And it’s a quite wow when I found that there were a lot of good quality people there, based on their profile such as jobs, names, photos, and how they explained their selves (you could differ people from their brief, isn’t it?).

But you know what, it was all began with the curiosity that led us into a more serious peril. It was all just ‘for fun’ things until we felt kind of addicted into it.

A feeling of ‘one more swipe’ or ‘one more hello’ that drove us over and over. We even tended to use it more often while we’re lonely or needing an approval or an acknowledgment. No wonder, a married person was also oured of this Tinder-ish too.

I will tell you how it came, based on how I feel toward it.

Tinder-ish applications provide us zillion good quality people.

Means, there would me more opportunity for us to find the person who suits with our qualifications VIRTUALLY. It could be their faces, their bodies, their smiles, their jobs, their schools, or even of how comfy they could make us while chatting with them.

We would find the approval of our own self easily while we could match with a top quality person there. We started thinking: “See, I’m not picky, I don’t have an over qualifications, they choose me too, means I am realistic!”

We would find the acknowledgment from the day to day conversation and flirting things there. That was when he or she said to you: “Hey, you have such a cute smile!” or “I like your eyes” or when they said they have a common interest with you. We could easily feel comfy somehow.

Then it would become more serious when we brought it into our real life.

Means, while there was a real person who try to be close with us, then we compared he or she with the ones we have in Tinder-ish world, we would always feel… incomplete. We would feel like: “He or she is way nicer.” That someway, brought a brick between us and the REAL opportunity.  

Let just say, some would end up with a meetup and hookup, not few who end up with a real relationship, but also, some would end up with a more and more searching, and moreover, some would just end up with… a more severe loneliness.

Why.

We can’t erase the fact that there are certain types of people in Tinder-ish world. The hookup-er, the fun searcher, and the most but the rare too, the lonely and serious one. It would not be a trouble when the same type meet each other. Like, the hookup-er meet the hookup-er too. Or the fun searcher with the fun searcher too. The matter happens when the lonely and serious one… meet the… other types.

Why.

Because somehow, even when the people in this type became closer and more intimate with the person there, the prejudice would overshadow them too. They would think of how unreal the intimacy they have with that person, especially when they both never meet. They also would think that person might has a similar intimacy with others at the same time they have with them. The thought of: “If he or she found me there, it’s so possible that someday he or she would leave me and find another one who’s better back to there.”

And just like a drug, when we tried to get rid of it, there would be a withdrawal syndrome. The feeling of agony. That’s why a research shows that it’s not good for us using an online dating while we are in loneliness. Because it would just lead us into another severe loneliness.

Wow, techno!

At this point, I could not be more agree with Uncle Einstein. Technology might make our lives easier. But not at the matter of feelings, emotions, and relationships.

Can not be analogous with finding things such as shoes, bags, or flight tickets; I must say that we can not e-buy a feeling and a person to love, right?

For The Stranger Who Talk With Me Every Night: Thank You For Making Me Feeling This Way

I don’t know who you are.

You came out of nowhere, you popped up just like a spam comes to my e-mail inbox.

You brought various stuffs to talk every day. The images of your cute puppy, the warm blanket that used to cover your chill body, the meal you have just cooked, the scars you got from your fire fighter training, the instructor you hate the most, the story of how much you hate traveling with that express train, the busy day that makes you feel sorry for not talking to me afterwards, the Notebook that kept you binge-watching until dawn and you made me do the same because you kept talking to me those nights.

You know what, I don’t really know who you are.

It was awkward and annoying when you popped up just like that. You left a big question mark hanging on my head. Who are you? Why do I need to hear all of your story? Why do I need to talk with someone whom I don’t really know?

Then, in other days, you just gone. You stopped talking with me. And it really did not matter to me because I don’t really know you. And I don’t think we need to keep the thing going. Day by day flies and then all of sudden, you appeared again.

You said you had a tough final test and things going on. You were sorry, again, because you really had no time to talk with me. Not even handed some phone with you. You told me that you suddenly thinking of me when I asked you whether something happened. Because you know? I don’t really have a freaking idea of who you are. I don’t really bloody understand why you did sorry to me. What for.

But I don’t know why, even if you are like a spam delivered into my inbox, or like a bug in the program, or like a cache on my mobile application;

I would like to thank you.

I don’t realize that it is you who kill all the voice inside my mind every night. It is you that boost up my decreased confidence. It is you who makes me feel like I have another dimension of untouched life. Even if I know you are just joking and lying but it is you who says I look younger than I supposed to be. And it is you who tells me that my family is lucky to have me.

Dear stranger who talk with me every night;

Thank you for making me feeling like this.

Thank you for ease my tired heart. Thank you for making me feeling like I am existed and not just about breathing. Thank you for whatever reason keep sharing your burden and days to me.

I wish we could really know each other well up until you are no longer stranger for me.  

This Is How The Waiting Game Crushes Ourselves But We Still Let It Be

Do you know what makes us feel pain in the ass?

We are waiting for the sun down when it has just already risen. We are waiting for another Saturdays and Sundays when our Monday has just already began. We are waiting for someone to call when he or she says so. We are waiting for the lunch when we have just skipped the breakfast. We are waiting for another opportunity when we have just lost the chance intentionally. We are waiting for another yes when we actually have much time to prove that we deserve that kind of yes. And, we are waiting for someone who is right when, perhaps, they are all have appeared just in inches from us.

Despite we hate waiting, many times, we are just stuck in the waiting game. Consciously or unconsciously.

And that worsen our dying heart. We always put a hope and expectation in front of us, not in our grip. It is like we tend to feel there will be lots of another better in the next time and it is just not today. Not this second. Thence, we often end up with waiting until that right time for better things come. We are waiting for the finish point that actually ourselves even doubt of its existence. Is that final point really exist?

Yes, zillion times all we do are just counting days.

Days until we accomplish our study, days until we find our first job, days until we finally meet the one, days until we finally get proposed and married, days until we have a baby and have a happy little family, and the ball keeps rolling…

The question is, what if the ball stuck?

What if the day that we believe will come to us, not yet appeared in our eyes? What if we have got no other opportunities? What if we never get the yes that we have been looking for? What if we never meet the one that we believe exist and someday will knock our door?

Some have a wheel that keeps rolling well in their lives, some perhaps have it sunk in the sand. And when our wheel is the one that sunk in, all we can do is fix it so that we can continue our journey, right?

Like, we can not wait someone to pop up just like that. We have to… at least… do something. To figure it out. To let it fixed. To… spend the time we have very right now.

But, yes, even if we know that waiting only put a more pain in our ass, many times, we are stuck in the waiting game.

That traps us to believe, the ‘someday’ we have been believed for so long time will appear. Someday….

Are You Sure You Have Known Enough About Care?

Let’s talk about care.

What is actually care means in your opinion? Is it when you want to know a lot about someone? Oh no, perhaps it is just a curiosity. Is it when you try to warn off someone just because you don’t want to see them hurt? I don’t know, probably it is just a possessive act. Or is it when you still make a same effort even if they look a little annoyed by it? Well, probably it is just you who put the screws on it.

Just like love, admire, affection, and even hatred, care is something that very abstract to be defined and measured.

You can’t say someone cares just because they talk a lot with others, they ask a lot about others, they comment so much in other’s posts, or just because they state it by themselves (“I do this because I care a lot about you!” #meh)

Nor, you can’t say someone doesn’t really care just because they seldom ask about you, they don’t really look like they have an attention toward you, or maybe just because they look like they don’t want to know about your life any more.

Care can’t only be defined with that physical indicators even if someone probably tries to show it in that way. So, is it wrong for us to try showing our care and attention obviously to the others?

The answer will always be the same: It depends.

Personally, I say that I will always respect and moved by the act of someone’s care to me. Like, when I was in my toughest day then he/she came and asked me, “Are you okay?” or even they didn’t say anything but bringing me my favorite meal or ice cream instead. Or when they warned me off because they knew that I would have some hard times if I took a decision that they thought it could be wrong. I mean, who doesn’t like to be cared?

But again, when we care about someone, it doesn’t mean we can do anything to them just to show it. Care is not something that limited only to certain acts.

When we care about someone, it’s better for us to consider how to show it too.

If we do it in that way, would it make them feel better or even worse? Would it make them feel being cared or even being isolated? Would it make them feel okay or even make them feel being judged? Then, is it the right time to show it in our ways? Or, probably is it better to give them space and delay it until we could care them?

Why.

Because, sometimes, all that someone needs when they face a tough problem is just a space.

Space so that they can re-think about their problems and their behavior that made it. Space so that they just need to take a break and a deep breath and contemplate about their decisions or mistakes. In that time, perhaps they don’t really need our judgmental and too much statements. They don’t need us to drown them with the feeling of ‘oh-my-god-these-are-all-my-faults’. They don’t really give a damn with our care intention behind all of it. Because all that they really need is just a space. And a little tender caresses on their back.

What I am trying to say here is that it’s good if we have an intention to care with other. But, the way we wrap and show it up are very much important.

How could someone know that we care to them if we just act like we are the rightest person on earth? How could someone feel our love if all that we show it are just full of hatred and arrogant words (even if what we stated was right)? And how could we pour our care if all that we want was not prevent them from something bad, but just to show off that we are better and righter than them?

Words, people. Words are sharper than a sword.

If we can’t choose the right words to calm down someone’s tough life or problem, we’d rather be just silent and wait until they contemplate their lives first.

Because many times in a hard day, an open arms is much better than an open lips.

Except for a kiss.

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