Thought catalog

Support Will Mean More While They Are Still Alive, Not When They Have Just Gone

Classic quotes says, we will start realizing that someone is very precious in this life after they are no longer with us.

Either it is because of a broken relationship, a divorce, or even worse, because of the death. That then, we will be poured by the very deep sadness and gloominess after they gone. But, does it still have a meaning for them or maybe for our surrounding even it has just happened after they gone?

We all know that world is now broken because of a sudden demise of one of the lasting bands’ lead vocal, Chester Bennington. There are lots of outpouring loves and supports come from all over the world, remarking that Chester was the best figure that ever lived, that everyone put their heart into it, and that they will miss him so much since then.

Of course, it’s normal thing to happen, especially when it comes to public figures who grab people’s heart. Losing and yearning become one package. The sudden throwback of how beautiful the memories they ever kept in mind play over and over again. Many people want to showcase that they care about that people’s bereavement. A lot.

But one thing provokes the big question is that, why have these all  just happened now? Where have we been before?

Mentioned that one which triggered the suicidal act Chester did was a depression. Reported a lot too that he had a tough battle of his mental health. He was also molested when he was seven years old. That then in one peaceful day, when he had just dropped his family home, he was found hanging himself. That day, he decided to end his 41 years of life in this world. Sad, tragic, but it could happen to anyone, not only to public figures whose life often being too much exposed and pressed.

But then again, why people have just put their attention only after it happened? Where have we been along this whole time?

The truth, most of the times we don’t really care toward something related to someone’s life.

We don’t want to involve ourselves too far in the problems that people have. We think, we also have our own lives and problems that need to overcome. Moreover, when we start seeing the load of troubles people have are getting bigger, deeper, and more serious. And it seems have no ending, we start taking a step back and consider to just watching from afar. Because again, we don’t wanna be infected by negative vibes. Especially when the person begins to showing that they have a tendency to do a self-harming, and it’s very hard to prevent them. We think, okay I will just get out from their messy life, and let just they be it.

Well, it’s again, a normal after all. Because we are not an angel that could magically help people’s life, right? We have our own limit and we will just stop trying when the situation gets hard.

But, what we can learn from Chester’s story and the world’s sympathy is that we could be an angel. We could magically help saving people’s life. Not by waiting until something bad happen first, but while they are still needing our support, silently or outspokenly.

It is when our inner instinct tells us to approach them because we feel that they need us, and it’s not always them telling us first. We could feel it, we could see it. Even some of them will tell you openly that they really want to end their depressing life. Simple, just tell them that their lives is precious. That there are hundreds of ways to find the solution. That there are lots of thing they could do to channel their stress mind into something more productive. And this one works effectively, just tell that when they start harming their self, nothing will happen. Their problems will never be solved. And if they are trying to grab attention, no one will see them just because they harm their self.

Give them the insight, what if they end their life now and the fact is that everything get better the day after they took their lives, wouldn’t they regret it? Once they slice their wrist and God say, okay I will take your life now, they could never reverse and take it back. Remind them like that.

That’s how our supports will give more meaning to them. While they are still alive and needing it. Not when we could only see their body hanged.

Let’s be an angel for those who need it.

 

 

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What It’s Like To Regret For Ever Meeting You

Just so you know how many times I deleted your number and told myself that I would never want to talk with you again.

Just so you know how much I kept myself busy just so that there would be no space in my mind to even think about you.

Just so you know how hard I struggled to overcome the urge every time you said you want to meet me.

Just so you know that I held my heart so hard until I felt numb every second I thought that we were meant for each other.

Just so you know how much I killed the night by over analyzing your latest message for me that time.

Just so you know how tough efforts I put just to look happily normal so that you might not know the battle I faced everyday.

Just so you know how many times I tried so hard not give any response once you appeared again after been a while.

Just so you know how sore my chest once I saw something that reminds me of you, reminds me of us.

Just so you know that I tried to comprehend so well about every beginning must have an ending so that the pain would vanish slowly.

Just so you know how much I talked to my own mind about you as only one of the words that I should have just skipped in my chapter.

Just so you know how strong the remorse I felt as much as the yearning of the daily talk we used to have.

Just so you know how much you have succeed to convince myself for starting to love and to be loved again.

Just so you know how pain this heart when I woke up hoping your text would popped up and welcoming my fuzzy morning.

Just so you know that when you decided to stop everything between us, I started doubting my self again;
Of my worthiness, of my value, of my existence, and of love that I tried so hard to believe again.

Just so you know that when you chose to eventually walk away, I wanted to slap my own self and told that these all weren’t supposed to ever happen. At all.

Just so you know, but do you?

Dear All Women, Regardless Your Messy Self, You Still Are So Much Worth

For you who silently cry in the bathroom every night, try to hide your tears, just because he says that you are not good in your dress or any other clothes you pick to wear.

For you who always stare at the mirror and doubt yourself, just because he never tells how beautiful you are and keeps criticizing your look instead.

For you who always try so hard by wearing a mask, a thick one, just so you can be able to please him by being someone else he idealizes the most, and he keeps comparing you to her.

For you who often hold back the pain and calm your emotion down, every time he only focuses to talk about himself without even try to ask your opinion.

For you whose self-esteem is actually wounded, just because he always highlights himself and his life as the most important and best one, and he thinks that yours is not.

For you who actually feel tired of never expressing yourself, just because he never gives you any chance of that, he does not even think you deserve one.

For you who sob yourself out every night on the edge of your bed, every time he does not give you any call, any text, but keep updating himself over his social media, partying with other girls.

For you who never miss any second on the rack of your insecurities, wondering if you are enough for him, just because he seems always feel does not quite satisfied about your both relationship.

For you who start thinking that you might already lose yourself value, just because again, he always overruns you with his wiseacre advice as if he knows everything better than you.

And girls, for you who is desperately notice that you have reached your limit but you still stuck on him, just because you think there will be no one else wanting you as he does, in fact he never does.

You are so much worth for every own and way.

You are a significant one that no one can judge you just based on the price of your shoes, or the color of your skin that he might think does not fit with your dress.

You are a pulchritudinous without needing any validation from other that even he tells that you do not have any curves, or your curves ain’t really good, just goddamn throw those words away.

You are an authentic pure human being live on this earth, that even Adam Levine marries Behati Prinslo, you do not really need to push yourself trying to copy her.

You are a harmoniously chic river flow on the mountain, that you deserve to keep your mental hygiene fine and well without anyone else trying to contaminate you, not even him.

You and your life are a precious one which resulted from the selection of thousands or even million sperms, that God only choose you to have a gasp in this life.

You are a super massive blast which sparkles spread over the beautiful night skies, that no one can hold you to show up your shining light, not even him.

You and the time that you have are having a great value that does not deserve to be wasted just for waiting his enunciation because he is not the daily newspaper you subscribed.

You are born with a meaningful purpose in your own life, that is not always about him because you are not satisfactory machine for him, you have your own mission.

You are a genuine, strong, and independent woman that has already chosen your value, that no one can hold your step back and take a granted for everything you are.

And dear beautiful creature with a full bless who read this now, you are worth more than a guy who only can drag and let your wings down, let him go.

Because dear, there is no point of keeping someone who can not give you a guarantee of being your own self. There is no point of surviving a relationship that can not make us love and see our own selves.

You do not really need someone who can not help you meet and madly in love with yourself instead of pretending to be anyone else.

In which, it will only grow the insecurity and doubt within you fertile and it definitely kill your own precious inner goddess.

Let him go because you are so worth in every own and way.

Release yourself from him, break the cage that he or perhaps you have made, and please do not ever scared of waving goodbye without expecting to meet again, just fckin let him go.

Because once you can free up yourself from all of these poisonous corrosive prison, you will realize that even if you have tons of flaws, you are still beautiful in your own way.

And all you need is just someone who can respect it properly.

This Is How The Waiting Game Crushes Ourselves But We Still Let It Be

Do you know what makes us feel pain in the ass?

We are waiting for the sun down when it has just already risen. We are waiting for another Saturdays and Sundays when our Monday has just already began. We are waiting for someone to call when he or she says so. We are waiting for the lunch when we have just skipped the breakfast. We are waiting for another opportunity when we have just lost the chance intentionally. We are waiting for another yes when we actually have much time to prove that we deserve that kind of yes. And, we are waiting for someone who is right when, perhaps, they are all have appeared just in inches from us.

Despite we hate waiting, many times, we are just stuck in the waiting game. Consciously or unconsciously.

And that worsen our dying heart. We always put a hope and expectation in front of us, not in our grip. It is like we tend to feel there will be lots of another better in the next time and it is just not today. Not this second. Thence, we often end up with waiting until that right time for better things come. We are waiting for the finish point that actually ourselves even doubt of its existence. Is that final point really exist?

Yes, zillion times all we do are just counting days.

Days until we accomplish our study, days until we find our first job, days until we finally meet the one, days until we finally get proposed and married, days until we have a baby and have a happy little family, and the ball keeps rolling…

The question is, what if the ball stuck?

What if the day that we believe will come to us, not yet appeared in our eyes? What if we have got no other opportunities? What if we never get the yes that we have been looking for? What if we never meet the one that we believe exist and someday will knock our door?

Some have a wheel that keeps rolling well in their lives, some perhaps have it sunk in the sand. And when our wheel is the one that sunk in, all we can do is fix it so that we can continue our journey, right?

Like, we can not wait someone to pop up just like that. We have to… at least… do something. To figure it out. To let it fixed. To… spend the time we have very right now.

But, yes, even if we know that waiting only put a more pain in our ass, many times, we are stuck in the waiting game.

That traps us to believe, the ‘someday’ we have been believed for so long time will appear. Someday….

Are You Sure You Have Known Enough About Care?

Let’s talk about care.

What is actually care means in your opinion? Is it when you want to know a lot about someone? Oh no, perhaps it is just a curiosity. Is it when you try to warn off someone just because you don’t want to see them hurt? I don’t know, probably it is just a possessive act. Or is it when you still make a same effort even if they look a little annoyed by it? Well, probably it is just you who put the screws on it.

Just like love, admire, affection, and even hatred, care is something that very abstract to be defined and measured.

You can’t say someone cares just because they talk a lot with others, they ask a lot about others, they comment so much in other’s posts, or just because they state it by themselves (“I do this because I care a lot about you!” #meh)

Nor, you can’t say someone doesn’t really care just because they seldom ask about you, they don’t really look like they have an attention toward you, or maybe just because they look like they don’t want to know about your life any more.

Care can’t only be defined with that physical indicators even if someone probably tries to show it in that way. So, is it wrong for us to try showing our care and attention obviously to the others?

The answer will always be the same: It depends.

Personally, I say that I will always respect and moved by the act of someone’s care to me. Like, when I was in my toughest day then he/she came and asked me, “Are you okay?” or even they didn’t say anything but bringing me my favorite meal or ice cream instead. Or when they warned me off because they knew that I would have some hard times if I took a decision that they thought it could be wrong. I mean, who doesn’t like to be cared?

But again, when we care about someone, it doesn’t mean we can do anything to them just to show it. Care is not something that limited only to certain acts.

When we care about someone, it’s better for us to consider how to show it too.

If we do it in that way, would it make them feel better or even worse? Would it make them feel being cared or even being isolated? Would it make them feel okay or even make them feel being judged? Then, is it the right time to show it in our ways? Or, probably is it better to give them space and delay it until we could care them?

Why.

Because, sometimes, all that someone needs when they face a tough problem is just a space.

Space so that they can re-think about their problems and their behavior that made it. Space so that they just need to take a break and a deep breath and contemplate about their decisions or mistakes. In that time, perhaps they don’t really need our judgmental and too much statements. They don’t need us to drown them with the feeling of ‘oh-my-god-these-are-all-my-faults’. They don’t really give a damn with our care intention behind all of it. Because all that they really need is just a space. And a little tender caresses on their back.

What I am trying to say here is that it’s good if we have an intention to care with other. But, the way we wrap and show it up are very much important.

How could someone know that we care to them if we just act like we are the rightest person on earth? How could someone feel our love if all that we show it are just full of hatred and arrogant words (even if what we stated was right)? And how could we pour our care if all that we want was not prevent them from something bad, but just to show off that we are better and righter than them?

Words, people. Words are sharper than a sword.

If we can’t choose the right words to calm down someone’s tough life or problem, we’d rather be just silent and wait until they contemplate their lives first.

Because many times in a hard day, an open arms is much better than an open lips.

Except for a kiss.

*

From Funny To Dirty, These 7 Cool Groomsmen Dances Will Melt Your Heart!

Every woman wants to be treated very special in their wedding day. It’s not only about the dress they wear, the reception they hold, but up to the groom’s manner towards them. And one of the most noticeable and adorable part of wedding is dancing time.

In some culture, there will always be a time for first dancing, either it’s done by the couple, the bride, or the groom. I don’t know why, but I think seeing the groom dances is somehow interesting and sometimes dashing.

So, I’ve been stumbling Youtube channels and I found many talented grooms and their men willing to strain at a gat just for cheering their brides on their wedding day. Here are 7 most hilarious and creative of those!

 

Korean Groom Joins The Dance

The first one comes from Asian wedding, specifically Korean. I love seeing while the bride enjoyed the groomsmen dance without knowing that her groom would join them too! And also, the way they ended the dance were so cool!

 

Hot and Hilarious Groomsmen

The next one is from American or probably European. I was captivated with the color of dance floor. And of course the harmony of groomsmen. They were so awesome!

Awesome Spell of Groom

Oh, I could say this is my favorite! I can’t say it’s a groomsmen dance, it’s more like a wedding dance because the couple did it. The special thing from their dance is that the groom is a magician! So, you could see the magic at the end of dancing! And they did it romantically perfect!

 

Funny and Adorable Groom

Some of the groomsmen dances are funnier instead of well-choreographed or romantic. But this one? This is amazing because it combines a funny part and a great movement’s harmony of the bestmen!

 

Funniest Expression Ever

It’s hard not to laugh while watching the start of this dance. The groom’s expression was so hilarious, funny, and naughty at the same time. The great point is that they dance a Beyoncé’s song instead of all time favorite groomsmen dance’s song such as Treasure by Bruno Mars!

 

They Seem Really Enjoy It

All you can catch from this groomsmen dance is that they really enjoyed it! It seems like they danced not only for helping the groom surprises the bride, but more like they really loved to move!

 

The Groom Lets The Boy Dancing

The best part of this groomsmen dance is when the groom invite his little sibling to start the dance. It’s just so good seeing men goes well with boys. But unfortunately, the dance’s space seemed too narrow, isn’t it?

 

And last but not the least, it’s not fair if we exclude this kind of dancing while talking about wedding dances, right? One of the most famous, but looks like it’s hard, wedding dance: Dirty Dancing from the movie Time of My Life. I adore the harmony of this couple!

 

So, what’s your favorite wedding or groomsmen dance? Or perhaps, your own bride or groom gave the better one than those above?

We’re Not A Mister Grey, We Don’t (Always) Aim To Please

Likes and loves button are just little things that could represent of how much we, a human being, are really a status seeker, an approval hunter, a social climber, and an applause hunger. The notification that come from our daily social medias is just a little image of how, sometimes or perhaps often, we do things based on what people might like or love.

And I could say, it could torture us.

I personally stop acting based on what people might expect from me. Why? Simply, I’m too tired to please people.

I’m not born as Grey that live with a motto: “We aim to please.”

I did. I once a person who was very people and relationship oriented. I tended to do anything, to sacrifice anything as long as people pleased and stay with me. Did it back breaking? So much. Did I try to survive? I did. Not until something bad came. The fact that not everyone whom we please would do the same thing to us. And it’s really invidious.

I should admit that most of time when I wrote something, I always thought whether people will read it, whether they will like it, whether they have a time to even take a look at it. And what was the result? I never literally heard my own mind. I wrote because I wanted an approval, not because I wanted to deliver my thoughts. And again, it’s really exhausting.

Also, I couldn’t lie that it was a social acknowledgment drove me to perform outstanding. I wanted to be seen as someone above average, mostly from my big family. I wanted them to see me because of the scholarship I got. It’s like a compensation for my previous failure. I wanted people to see me arising after falling. I hungered for their confession. And what did happen? I felt buried and sunk when they didn’t give me any of it.

I felt like I was never good enough just because they never see me.

Until I watched some successful people in some professions, such as an author. One of the most remarkable words I ever heard comes up from the author of A Fault in Our Stars, John Green. He said:

“Don’t try to write a novel for being famous or for getting a lot of money. Write it as a gift for your reader.”

That really strucks. And also from one of my favorite famous local writer who said, “Just write well. Don’t think that people will hate it or not,” she also quoted others’, “remember that you write because you want something that you can’t read anywhere.”

There, I started to notice something important. There, I stopped doing things because I seek for an applause or credits.

I write words not because I want them to agree with me, but as to they could understand what inside my mind. I decide something not because I want people on my side, but so that they could see the way I choose and not hampering. I do things not because I want people love me, but in order to let them see me the way I am, even if they perhaps hate me and remind me if I do a bad thing. I cut down a habit to give too much and keep my circle small so that I would know who the real ones and who are not.

In short, I try not to care a loves and likes any more, because people is just people, number is just number, and it’s only us who know which one is better for ourselves, it’s only us who will bear the consequence from the decision we take, and it’s not them. I try to think, I do kind things for my own good, not for other.

**

For Those Who Keep Asking: “Do You Feel Lost Because of Getting Out Your Real Root?”

I thought it was only a friend, but then came another persons asking that same question:

“How do you feel doing these things that so out of your real root? How do your family feel about you in this case?”

You know what, it seems that my life has been always unexpectedly out of script. In every way.

 

 

I never wished to be a writer.

I hated reading. So much. My mom had to push me hard just so that I wanted to open a page. I preferred watching Sailor Moon, Cardcaptor Sakura, Goosebumps, or Minky Momo as eating a french fries than enjoying my big brother’s comics. Spending money for books never crossed my mind. It was my big brother that had a huge intention on books. He was a book-arse. He knew Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, Walt Disney, Wrights Brother better than anything in his age. Even he also versed Detective Conan well. My mom always rubbed me in how good we will be if we start falling in love with books and begin to read. But then nothing was changed. I was still a person who hated reading.

 

I wanted to be a skillful and famous guitarist.

My Chemical Romance and some local bands inspired me a lot. I used to argue and had a fight with my mom because I shamed into attending some band concerts when I was a teenager. And perhaps also because I had a relationship with some band folks. I started being a rebel. Like a real rebel. Going home late, trying to do this and that which were too early for a teenage girl. But then I still believed that becoming a band personnel would be the coolest thing in my life.

 

I wished I could be an astronaut. I don’t know why.

Probably after watching Armageddon, The Day After Tomorrow, and that so happening 2012 movie. I obsessed with the universe, the moon, the stars, the galaxies, and everything related to the space. I was always curious about how the lunar eclipse happens, how much time people need to get into the moon, how it is like living in the other planet roaming on the space craft, where I could find the Aurora Borealis and how it can happen. That time, my mom supported me. She’s actually always. But then, willingness I had was not enough. I was too dumb to understand physics and mathematics. Most of all, I hate numbers.

 

Then after my mom gone, it seemed that I was out of control, lost of direction. I didn’t know what I would to be. A musician? An astronaut?

 

I ended up being a sophist, someone who lost the vision.

I tried many tests from various universities with different majors, like architecture, interior design, oceanography, even the fact that I hate numbers, I also endured my self doing a physics test. I passed almost all those exams but I stupidly didn’t take anyone of it. Because I was a sophist. I didn’t know who I wanted to be and where I should go and what I wanted to do.

 

A year after that, I even took psychology major and found my self wanted to be a forensic psychologist. So randomly.

That time, there’s no extrinsic drives moved me. It was really me who wanted to be like that. That time, also there’s no thing dragged my feet. That time, there’s a lot of achievements and compliments along the study I got. I did best, I accomplished great, almost too outstanding. That perhaps, people think it’s too good to be true so that there’s no one really settled for me to work with. Somehow, I could only be a forensic psychologist after taking a post graduate study whose program isn’t available on scholarship yet. That means, it was not only about the skill and knowledge you need, but also the chance and of course money.

 

And here I am now, I don’t have any dream. I don’t wish to be any body. I don’t impose my self for achieving something. I don’t blame anyone, not even my self for not becoming who I wanted to be, for not having what I wanted to have.

I am just me living in the present moment.

Sitting down in front of laptop, making pennies from zillions words I produce everyday, thinking the way of what people say as ‘a writer’ while I keep wondering whether my self is enough to be called as a real writer.

 

So, for you who ask about my feeling or my family’s feeling of me taking a decision to spend the life out of my real root like these days and thought that I must be lost…

My life has been like that long before today, dear. There’s no such difference between having a well-scripted future plan than living in the presents. Not because I am not being someone who I supposed to be then my life stopped. Not because I don’t do and have thing people do and have then I can’t be happy, then I can’t make my family happy.

The thing is that, as long as I keep doing the best, making money, and hoping nothing, everything will be good I guess. And no one is lost as long as they know which steps they should take even if they don’t have any destination yet.

At least, it will not be as painful as you had a well-planned life but got it crushed on the way, right? So, just live today and keep it going, dear. All is good.

**

Here’s Why We Sink, Slowly and Undoubtedly

I still can remember the conversation I ever had.

 

We were at the fine dinner and it was his treat. We talked about many things and our conversation went dowdily till ours came into the serious point. It started with a simple question he asked to me: “What would you do after this?” Indeed, I had just taken a great decision at that time. No wonder, I found it hard to give the answer.

Yet then I said, “I crave for vacation by the way.” Then he told me without any hesitation, “Just go then.” And I whispered him with feeling so unsure, “There are lots of plans got wasted just because I didn’t think I should spend my saving just like… probably… 5 days or even 3 days trip?” I sighed and he threw a bliss, “I mean, I’d been saving it a whole year then it would just vanish in a less than a week?” my words continued.

Again, he smiled and put his glass, “This is what differ our folks with the other countries’.” My forehead wrinkled, “Value,” he shouted,

“We have no respect toward value.”

Such a harsh, I thought firstly, but I just stared at him, waiting for his further tenet.

“Our people tend to regard things way much than the value itself.

Like, let me ask you, what people in here usually do in the Holy Day, beside praying of course?” He pointed that retorical question. “They got a THR then they would spend it for buying new tees, new shoes, new books, anything that has a physical look. And very few of them who have an urge to spend it for something more profitable, more long-term period valuable, for instances going to Korean, French, Spanish, or language courses whatsover. Or like what you said, take a short getaway.”

There, I felt being offended.

“And when their children grow up, they will blame the richer for being rich, or the smarter for being smart, or the traveler for having a lot of time and penny to go abroad. They will assume that those are all just a result of corruption, collusion, or nepotism or anything related to the wealth of their families only. They don’t realize, it doesn’t always like that.”

“But some people literally did the corruption and things anyway,” I disputed.

“Like what I said, it ain’t always like that. Some might did it. But what about people who don’t? The thing is that how their perspectives built and planted. The way their families shape their paradigm.

They do not always chase the money, but they also put a higher value of the value itself.

Once they get more money, they tend to invest it for something that more long-term period profitable, such as going to courses rather than buying toys. Go seeing mountain across the land rather than buying new dvd player. Because what?

They put their selves as an asset, they invest money for their truest selves.

Sure, it doesn’t mean they don’t amuse their own selves. They do, yet it’s as a reward after achieving something that had been their near goals.”

Crap.

I hated him for being such a terribly right jerk. Probably, I didn’t think my self as an asset enough along these whole times. That’s what often makes me feel like the time flies fast, money runs wasted, and the self goes empty. Or he was right, I respect money way higher than the value of my self. How could he be so precisely right?

“But, it’s all back to you after all. Cause I can’t force you to spend the money you’ve been saving for several years just for like… what you said? For 5 days or even 3 days trip only?” he said it with a serious face,

“yet, it would be not better for you too, to spend the same amount just to buy… let’s say, 5 piece of clothes that perhaps no one would notice.”

There, I got kicked again.

Though here I am, still sitting down, observing my bank account’s amount, and has a very uncertain feeling: “Should I really go somewhere and let these money for it?”

Meanwhile, he may have gone to zillion new places.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7 Practical Ways To Heal The Pain That Too Much In Our Heart

Some leading digital medias are now shooting their onslaught campaigns against social hate speech and hoax posts. And I thought that even my posts couldn’t be implied in which categories, yet for some people it might seem too harsh or too negative. That’s why now I’d like to share what I, my friend, and of course you can do to heal or to overcome the pain and the falling of your own self esteem. To bring back your mood in a healthy threshold.

 

 

#1: Allow ourselves to feel the emotion

That’s the very first thing we need and obviously would do after experiencing bad moments in our lives. Either it’s a failure, betrayal, or heartache. What I’ve got from my experience was that don’t you try to war against it. It ain’t worth powder and shot. It will just go wasted if we force ourselves not to feel it. Just like Khalil Gibran said, “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” The more we let ourselves admitting that we are on such a terrible pain, the more we will understand what thing could harm us. So that we could play safe and learn from it later on.

 

#2: Tell it to the right person

This is also important because we need to channel our feeling. We need to share our tragedy with someone whom we believe could enlighten everything. Not someone who make it worse instead. It could be our parents, our siblings, our (truly) best friends, even someone that probably ain’t in our inner circle, but he or she could comfort us with their wise words. From my experience itself, firstly I would just go seeking  supporting persons. Those who could respond us furiously like they also feel the same pain. Because it really helps us on finding a social support. But when everything has finally been calmer, I would just talk with person who could give an objective opinion, a wise one.

 

#3: Do whatever could make you happier

We tend to feel exhausted and run off energies after been moaning like that. Then when we come to this point, that’s a sign that we need to refuel ourselves. We could do anything that could lift up our spirit, let’s say by eating our favorite macha ice cream, singing our favorite songs, binge watching all our favorite movies or dramas, even taking a workouts. Anything, and while doing it, just don’t let ourselves thinking. Just do it.

 

#4: Fill in the jar with compliment papers

There sure would be a part of us blaming ourselves because of that bad tragedies happened to us. Probably we think: I should never let him come to my life, I should have just being rude if eventually people would just think I was, or whatsover. This would be corrosive if it happen over and over. This seriously could harm our self esteem because probably we will end up on thinking we’ll never be good enough for us or for people. That’s why, we need to try this technique.

So, it says that we could take an empty mason jar then we put a compliment on a paper every time ourselves do something good. For instance, I was trying to have a workouts again after been a while, then I jot it on paper: Dear body, thanks for trying to have a workouts again!

 

#5: Read motivational books or quotes

If we find ourselves still famished for something that could boost up our spirits, then try to hunt it outside. By reading something positive, such as easy bitsy novels, books, tweets of motivating people, even quotes. It truly will help!

 

#6: Block their ways for several times

If after been contemplating and seeking an advice from people yet we still found that they’re just too much and it was not us, of course, we’re allowed to cut the rope, for a temporary time or for… ever. No one could insult us in any way. We’re the one who live our lives. So, my friend told me, just like what William Traynor ever said to Louisa Clark: “Don’t let that one thing be the thing that defines you.

 

#7: Let your self forgive

Last, the hardest part. No religion approve the hatred. Forgiveness is something noble that we always have to pursue. In spite of our deep pain, furious anger, and unforgettable hatred, we eventually will have to let ourselves forgive. Remember, “The ability to forgive is the one man’s greatest achievements,” Bryant McGill said.