Self Worth

You’re In Toxic Relationship When He Always Make You Doubt About Yourself

Month after month, through all the heartbreaks and all the rise & fall moments, you still couldn’t see why you always ended up with holding him, holding the possibilities that perhaps you set up in your own mind. You actually know that you should have gotten over it from many times before.


It was when he always keeps you lay awake at night, not because of the sweet talks and butterflies he creates to you, but because of all the questions over your head every time he hangs up his call. Or when he says that he misses you over and over again that then you start questioning whether he does it to the others. Or every time you both say goodbye and until then that after it you always wonder whether this would be the last time for you to see him.


Not few times you find yourself trapped in the overanalyzing world of yours. You observe every single thing, act, word, and even the feeling and reaction he creates to you. And often, you doubt yourself of whether you would still hold him or just let it go like literally go. Because, deep in your heart, you know you have no serious future with him that the possibility of end up by being in almost-relationship grows clearer.


But, here you are, still sitting on your bed, late at night, thinking  about him, again and again.


Why him? You question yourself too many times even you know you will always end up by seeking for facts that could support your self-fcking-bias. You deleted his number, unlinked all the social media connections with him, and even ignored him roughly. Just so that it would make everything easier, to forget him, to let him go. When you actually know that it ain’t cause each time you try to do it, the universe seems always bring him to you again.


All those little things that remind you of him, your both favourite place, the smell of perfume he used to spray over his body, your both favourite basketball team, even that stupid little popcorn you both used to pick in the cinema, or when you see his company’s name all over the ads. You know you still have a chance to make things work with him each time he asks you out or calls you just to hear your voice because he said he misses you, again, like so bad.


Almost all night long you find yourself crying because you miss him when he ghosts you and you don’t actually want this feeling. You want him but you know you should have gotten over him. Gotten overall this unclear relationship. Up until you remember;


When he let you waited for him almost more than an hour because he still played on the hall, or when he kept you confused about how he said he would call you late at night but he didn’t, or when he said he would come to approach your place but he didn’t show up at all, and when he let you go home alone in the super late at night by saying please text me when you get home rather than taking you home;


You notice, you can’t force someone to love you when he actually doesn’t.


It’s now like a crystal clear, you see that he’s never really that serious with you. That, it’s not healthy for your mental hygiene because many times all he does is just making you wondering whether you are enough for him. That, it’s better to let someone go when you often feel less and empty even when you’re with them. And that, maybe, again, he doesn’t belong to you, this relationship doesn’t belong to you. Cause at this time, you know that you always wonder your worth and if someone really loves you, they’re supposed not to make you feel this way.


A healthy relationship is when you both can support each other rather than doubting your precious self and talent, when he doesn’t often tell ‘I miss you’ cause you both have a fixed time and schedule to meet each other, when he doesn’t let you wait too long because he knows nobody likes waiting, and when he doesn’t let you doubt about your self-worth because he just loves you too much that you don’t have a time to even wonder about it.


2017 almost ends, you know you better to end something because keeping it will just destruct and drown yourself, slowly but killing…

You’re In Toxic Relationship When He Always Make You Doubt About Yourself


To All Women, Here Is Why You Must Keep Your Career On Track After Getting Married

Nothing is more blissful than being a wife of someone who love you so much.

Someone who might give you tons of promises to always be together since he gives you a ring. That sacred ring where all your waiting ends. And you believe him because this was one of your ultimate goals; to get married and build a family. When you finally say yes, everything in your world turns a little different. Getting money and a job promotion are no longer on your first list. Showing off your hectic life in your office story is no more interesting for you.

That’s why you don’t feel anything when you have to give the resignation letter to your boss. Even if your boss ensures you with the question, “You are on the top of your career, are you sure to do this?” You nod without any hesitation. So what? Because you have a real life now. The life you have been dreaming of; being his Mrs.

The comeback from your sweet honeymoon might still feels a dreamlike. Waking up beside him and still sometimes can’t believe yourself that you are now his. Watching and cuddling with him beneath the warm and cozy blanket. And then voluntarily move to prepare for his breakfast before he works. And still, it feels like a dream comes true. Posting all your breakfast and daily newlywed’s activities almost everyday because you want to share the happiness you have with him. Your one and only husband. You want the world know.

You don’t mind even if you spend your entire 20s life to chase that degree which only ends up in this kitchen. You have no objection to agree with what he ask that it’s better for you to fully stay at home. All day long. Cleaning the house, sometimes doing grocery shopping, learning new skills of how to be a great wife on the kitchen and bed, and sometimes just flicking to the television on the couch.

You are happy and there’s no need to wonder.

And then you are now having his baby in your tummy. The little him. You will soon to be a mother and he looks more than wonderful to know it. He takes care of you very much because he just anxious if something happen with the baby. Until your due date comes and he accompanies your labor. And then it’s a perfect package of complete happiness; A little family. What a sweet story everyone dreams of.

But you know what, it’s not because I am being a sarcastic or pessimist that I have to tell you the bitter part. The other story you might never watched before because perhaps you’ve been living in a very peaceful bunch of families and neighborhood along this time. The truth is that;

I have been witnessing many women in my life suffering after the passing of their husband.

Not only because of the death tear them apart, but also because of divorce. Some might end up with the grief they try to cope, some struggle so hard to strike a blow for their certainty of legal issues, some fight to win back their own property things, and some just try to keep breathing like a normal when they definitely can’t.

This somehow reminds me of what my mom ever said, “Never cease your career life even if you have a rich husband and he promises to vouched for your entire life.” And when I asked why, she didn’t answer. But now I got it.

Surviving your career life after getting married isn’t only about keeping the money flows, but also maintaining your networking.

I know, you can still have a certain kind of society without being an employee. But this case, I talk about the opportunity and doors that might open for you. With or without your husband meddled with. It’s okay to cut down your very busy schedule by re-negotiating your position with your boss if it’s possible. Rather than giving it up at all. It’s okay not to give your time as much as when you were still single. Because you have to take care your household life.

But again, if you’re now a career woman and getting married with someone, I think you need to reconsider if you want to change from a full time employee into a full time wife.

Let’s just talk the sorest part we never want to face. If someday, something happen with your marriage, and your husband leaves you in a situation in which you are a full time wife, either forever or for other woman, and he doesn’t leave any penny for you, what will happen with you and perhaps your children? Are you going to give up being a mother for them?

I’m sure you won’t unless you still have a Cinderella’s mother lineage.

The main benefit if you keep your career on track after married is surely in your financial life. You might have to handle your husband’s money, but you have your own. You can either use it to support him or just spend it for your fun. The other advantage is on your self-esteem, how you value yourself as not only a wife but also a woman separated from your married life. Yourself still have a high price even if you’re no longer single. Out of the Mrs. title in front of your name, you have your intellectual badass mind, a sexy brain, and a youthful skills of work, and of course piles of professional experiences that many companies willing to buy.

Means, if the bitter scenario of your marriage runs, you still can be alive with a normal breathing. You might struggle as a single parent, but not as hard as those who decided to cut off their career. You might face a rocky way to maintain your household needs, but not as hard as those who doesn’t even have anything to sale.

So, all the Mrs. soon to be, being a career woman doesn’t mean you are an alpha independent who doesn’t know where your root as a wife, but it shows that you always have a backup plan. Because nothing is sure in this life. You need to be ready for every kind of change.