Daily Thought

To All Women, Here Is Why You Must Keep Your Career On Track After Getting Married

Nothing is more blissful than being a wife of someone who love you so much.

Someone who might give you tons of promises to always be together since he gives you a ring. That sacred ring where all your waiting ends. And you believe him because this was one of your ultimate goals; to get married and build a family. When you finally say yes, everything in your world turns a little different. Getting money and a job promotion are no longer on your first list. Showing off your hectic life in your office story is no more interesting for you.

That’s why you don’t feel anything when you have to give the resignation letter to your boss. Even if your boss ensures you with the question, “You are on the top of your career, are you sure to do this?” You nod without any hesitation. So what? Because you have a real life now. The life you have been dreaming of; being his Mrs.

The comeback from your sweet honeymoon might still feels a dreamlike. Waking up beside him and still sometimes can’t believe yourself that you are now his. Watching and cuddling with him beneath the warm and cozy blanket. And then voluntarily move to prepare for his breakfast before he works. And still, it feels like a dream comes true. Posting all your breakfast and daily newlywed’s activities almost everyday because you want to share the happiness you have with him. Your one and only husband. You want the world know.

You don’t mind even if you spend your entire 20s life to chase that degree which only ends up in this kitchen. You have no objection to agree with what he ask that it’s better for you to fully stay at home. All day long. Cleaning the house, sometimes doing grocery shopping, learning new skills of how to be a great wife on the kitchen and bed, and sometimes just flicking to the television on the couch.

You are happy and there’s no need to wonder.

And then you are now having his baby in your tummy. The little him. You will soon to be a mother and he looks more than wonderful to know it. He takes care of you very much because he just anxious if something happen with the baby. Until your due date comes and he accompanies your labor. And then it’s a perfect package of complete happiness; A little family. What a sweet story everyone dreams of.

But you know what, it’s not because I am being a sarcastic or pessimist that I have to tell you the bitter part. The other story you might never watched before because perhaps you’ve been living in a very peaceful bunch of families and neighborhood along this time. The truth is that;

I have been witnessing many women in my life suffering after the passing of their husband.

Not only because of the death tear them apart, but also because of divorce. Some might end up with the grief they try to cope, some struggle so hard to strike a blow for their certainty of legal issues, some fight to win back their own property things, and some just try to keep breathing like a normal when they definitely can’t.

This somehow reminds me of what my mom ever said, “Never cease your career life even if you have a rich husband and he promises to vouched for your entire life.” And when I asked why, she didn’t answer. But now I got it.

Surviving your career life after getting married isn’t only about keeping the money flows, but also maintaining your networking.

I know, you can still have a certain kind of society without being an employee. But this case, I talk about the opportunity and doors that might open for you. With or without your husband meddled with. It’s okay to cut down your very busy schedule by re-negotiating your position with your boss if it’s possible. Rather than giving it up at all. It’s okay not to give your time as much as when you were still single. Because you have to take care your household life.

But again, if you’re now a career woman and getting married with someone, I think you need to reconsider if you want to change from a full time employee into a full time wife.

Let’s just talk the sorest part we never want to face. If someday, something happen with your marriage, and your husband leaves you in a situation in which you are a full time wife, either forever or for other woman, and he doesn’t leave any penny for you, what will happen with you and perhaps your children? Are you going to give up being a mother for them?

I’m sure you won’t unless you still have a Cinderella’s mother lineage.

The main benefit if you keep your career on track after married is surely in your financial life. You might have to handle your husband’s money, but you have your own. You can either use it to support him or just spend it for your fun. The other advantage is on your self-esteem, how you value yourself as not only a wife but also a woman separated from your married life. Yourself still have a high price even if you’re no longer single. Out of the Mrs. title in front of your name, you have your intellectual badass mind, a sexy brain, and a youthful skills of work, and of course piles of professional experiences that many companies willing to buy.

Means, if the bitter scenario of your marriage runs, you still can be alive with a normal breathing. You might struggle as a single parent, but not as hard as those who decided to cut off their career. You might face a rocky way to maintain your household needs, but not as hard as those who doesn’t even have anything to sale.

So, all the Mrs. soon to be, being a career woman doesn’t mean you are an alpha independent who doesn’t know where your root as a wife, but it shows that you always have a backup plan. Because nothing is sure in this life. You need to be ready for every kind of change.

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What It’s Like To Regret For Ever Meeting You

Just so you know how many times I deleted your number and told myself that I would never want to talk with you again.

Just so you know how much I kept myself busy just so that there would be no space in my mind to even think about you.

Just so you know how hard I struggled to overcome the urge every time you said you want to meet me.

Just so you know that I held my heart so hard until I felt numb every second I thought that we were meant for each other.

Just so you know how much I killed the night by over analyzing your latest message for me that time.

Just so you know how tough efforts I put just to look happily normal so that you might not know the battle I faced everyday.

Just so you know how many times I tried so hard not give any response once you appeared again after been a while.

Just so you know how sore my chest once I saw something that reminds me of you, reminds me of us.

Just so you know that I tried to comprehend so well about every beginning must have an ending so that the pain would vanish slowly.

Just so you know how much I talked to my own mind about you as only one of the words that I should have just skipped in my chapter.

Just so you know how strong the remorse I felt as much as the yearning of the daily talk we used to have.

Just so you know how much you have succeed to convince myself for starting to love and to be loved again.

Just so you know how pain this heart when I woke up hoping your text would popped up and welcoming my fuzzy morning.

Just so you know that when you decided to stop everything between us, I started doubting my self again;
Of my worthiness, of my value, of my existence, and of love that I tried so hard to believe again.

Just so you know that when you chose to eventually walk away, I wanted to slap my own self and told that these all weren’t supposed to ever happen. At all.

Just so you know, but do you?

The Days I Fight So Hard, If Only You Knew

Who doesn’t like the euphoria of falling with someone?
The morning when you wake up with the reason to smile. The night you spend with overnight call until you feel your eyes are glued but you don’t want to give up the call. The day when he or she finally asks you when you both are going to meet. The second when you see him or her and you want to freeze the moment at least for longer times.
In fact, everybody addicts to the chemical reaction in their gut when they are falling in love. The very first starting point of relationship that is a whole better than a bar of chocolate. It excites you, it boosts you, and even it drives you crazy. The mechanism that is  stronger than a doping pil. It energizes you too.
We love the idea of having someone to crush with. And even it crushes our heart too because the name itself is crush. 
It crushes your heart when you see their name popping up on your screen. It crushes your heart when you hear their electrical voices. It crushes your heart just by a simple question from them asking how your day was. It crushes your heart when they say a little thing that reminding them of you. It even crushes your heart by coincidentally listening to a song that you both like it somewhere. 
It feels like there is a butterfly in your belly tickling you but you like that sensation. Moreover, you addict on it. The addiction that sometimes crushes your heart more in pieces.
It crushes you more when they don’t text you unreasonably. It crushes you more when there is no call at all during a week. It crushes you more when you play over the memory you have with them recently and kind of starving for it. It crushes you more simply by overanalyzing if you are good enough to keep their attention to you. And it crushes you more just by hoping their hello at the end of your bad day.
We seem are a pseudomasochist because we let our heart in pain just because we love crushing with them. And even we have tough days to fight for.
It is the day when you have a tremendous battle between your feeling toward them and the fact that you have already know. It is the day when you have to fight the urge of texting them first while they are ghosting you. It is the day when you are slapped by your own mind because you know you can’t hope anything from your undefined and almost relationship. It is the day when you struggle so hard to fight the thought that if they meant to call you, they would. It is the day when you miss them so freakingly hard but you restrain yourself not to tell them. Because ego is a hell of drug. And it is the day when you wait them to schedule your meetup without any sudden cancellation.
It is tough, darling. The days that we fight so hard for any feeling attached toward them. And it crushes us more for hoping they would know. If only.

Because We Are Still Young, Options Are Everywhere

Have you ever been crushing to someone and hoping that he or she will just belong with you?

Ever since and then, you feel like you want to own them, just by your self. You become easy to feel curious, suspicious, or even jealous if they give their attention to the other. You don’t want them to hangout, call, text, or even just hit the like button of other’s Instagram! You feel like—he or she is mine and no one could belong him or her but me. Duh, sounds so possessive, isn’t it?

Chill out, I tell you, that is normal.

It is the feeling that growing from fancying to liking to loving and want to owning. But, have you ever thought as a person that has just entered someone’s middle chapter? Many times when I meet new people and we start getting closer, I tend to think that I am just a new person who is walking through his or her life. I don’t even know what the story before the chapter I walk in. That perhaps, he or she has already had someone special in their lives. That perhaps, he or she has already had some routines that not including me and they have been just fine. And that perhaps, I will just mean nothing in their lives.

So, I talk with someone about this poignant feeling that often happen to me. You know what that person said to me?

You are still young, so does he or she, you guys still have another options, and you both are frankly allowed to choose.

It’s really provoking me. Damn, it is right! Along this whole time, I only kept myself busy by thinking ‘what ifs’. What if he or she don’t like my existence in their lives? What if we don’t go well afterward? What if I will just be the reader of his or her chapter and not the character? What if I mean nothing for him or her? These insecurities are killing me.

In fact, I should have just kicked that kind of thought and just explored other options that I might had these times. Instead of worrying about my meaning to their lives, I could just let it chill. Because I also have options to explore, right? Because WE still have zillions options to try. So, let it be, catch the fishes out there and have some fun journey!

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You  May Not Think That You Have Influenced Someone, Until…

I don’t know why people love to share their feelings and lives with me, including their problems and burdens. And when it happens, I tend to have more ears than a mouth. It’s not because I don’t care or I don’t want to respond it, I just know that at some point, people just want to be listened, to be heard. But also not few times I choose to shout my words right at the moment they talk to me. Moreover when they seek for a solution by throwing up a question. Even when I also have a problem too. 
Many times I feel like giving no solution to them and our conversation seems like end up with nothing too. But at least, I have told them what I think perhaps it is right. But you know what, some people came to me lately and they said something that’s shocking me surprisingly. It’s when they say, “I just remember what you have said to me and I did it afterward.” 
Well, what shocking me are first, I never thought that my words will stick in their mind. Second, I never expect that it would lead them to do the thing I told them to. Third, I didn’t know that it would change their lives in a better way. And last but not least, I didn’t notice that knowing this could cure my bitter feeling about life somehow.
It was when they told me that my words have changed their days, their mind, or the way they see their own lives. It was when they told me with the excitement that they are now feeling like having a direction or have found a new clearer path in their lives. And it was when they whispered to me that they have already left their bad habit such as suicidal attempts or self harming. Wow. I was speechless when they said that. It’s not just because the truth they brought, but more like I can’t believe that I could influence them that way, that deep.

It is really right if people say, “Be careful of whom you may influence.”

I now can really feel the strong power underneath. Influencing people in positive ways gives such a courage for us even when our live seems bitter. Because what, even if we feel like we are a failure, we have helped people to get rid from their previous failure. 

So, keep spreading the positive vibes and inspiring people because you might not know how you could change someone’s life.

Never Ending Same Question: Ever Worried of Being Unmarried?

​”Have you ever worried about being unmarried?” One of my friends asked, again.
I know I have written and talked lots about these. With you, with my close friends, and with my family. And the more I discuss about this, the more it will end up at the same point. But, that time I asked back to my friend about why that question came up. 

“I just worry about it now, like… a lot. And I think it’s good to talk with you because you seem like so calm about it,” as my friend answered by texting me.

So calm. The answer reminded me of my friend who ever said the same tone. I remember, it was while we were hanging out together and they were all talking about their love lives matter, and then one of them shouting to me. “You know what, I think you are too free like a bird. Sometimes you need to think about your love life too.”

Then I am wondering now, do I look that careless?


Here, I try to explore my own mind as probably you would do the same. I don’t know what’s happening to me lately. As something happens related with my life, whether it’s a career, family, or even love life, it doesn’t really bother me. Not as much as before.

Somesay because I have succeeded controlling my own emotion now. I am not easily falling into stressors anymore. But I am my self thinking that it is because I have reached the limit of my threshold. Similar with people in the mountain. While they are freezing by the maximum coldness, they can’t even feel the cold in their body any more. Their skins become insensitive. In this case, my mental is becoming able to endure any stressors. Just because I have reached my limit.
Back to the main topic, do I feel worry of not getting married yet?

Well, no one wants to be alone in their lives. Most of people want to marry the person they love and build the family. It’s like one of human’s ultimate goal. So do I. I want the same thing. I also open my self for many possibility and chance, but it just doesn’t work up until now. It just has not happened yet for me now. 

I guess, I am tired of thinking the positivity of why I have not gotten the one. I am tired of seeking the make sense reason. So does to the many failures in my life. I am just exhausting of finding the logic reasons. That’s what turns me into someone who seems so careless about life now.

I am now a present life person. I live today, I make an effort today, but I don’t want to push my self thinking about what’s next, what ifs, what wills, or whatsover.
Funny that I even often hate my self in the past. The too ambitious person, the over achiever, the too much chasing person. Drawn in the remorse, I ask my self: What did I really chase that time? Why did I act like that in fact nothing lasts forever? 

Yes, nothing lasts forever. We are just an actor of this whole life that has already being planned by the Creator. The married and unmarried things, the hired and unhired things, those all aren’t supposed to be forced to happen, yet. 
So that’s what going on my mind. But then just texted back to my friend saying: “Because I just let things go. Nothing more.” And I know my friend really unsatisfied with my answer. 

Being A Writer; The Easiest Getaway

Let me share you something.
I have been working for an Instagram project. And it demands me to enhance my Korean ability. That is why I become more often texting with my Korean pen pal. We have known each other like almost 3 months. I used to depend my vocabulary searching on translation such as Google. But, after I have been learning Korean too for around 2 months, I know that Google Translate for Korean is really invalid.

Because I stucked tonight, I asked my Korean pen pal. My Instagram project mostly consists of romantic and love lines, anyway. The sentence that made me confused was: “Can I call you mine?”

That then I asked him. One good thing from that man, even if he often makes a fun of me because I have a weird Korean pronounciation, but he always explain and answer my question. So did tonight. He translated it in most common familiar Korean sentences so that it sounds very natural. But the funny thing was that he said this:

“Really, have you just found a new date?”

This is why even if I have a Korean pen pal, I don’t want to ask them translating my writing lines. I will have to explain it over and over. But somehow, the chat between us tonight also reminds me of why I love being a writer. 

You could be anyone, you could experience anything, you could imagine everything while you are being a writer.

Just like Eleanor said in “Eleanor and Park”, why do you write? For escape. I really could feel it. Writing and reading are such a free and easy getaway from a real life. A life that feels like having a high wall preventing us from experiencing the impossibility.

Books, mostly from fiction authors provide lots of world that we never experienced before, without the need to literally experience it. Like, how the life of prostitute, the painful life of a man who befriend with a depression woman, the astronauts life, and s on. And even how the feeling of being loved by a perfect human being. 

So does writing. I feel like writing has always been a good way to channel my moods. We could run into the moon and galaxy, we could be a famous singer who have a scandal with a murderer, or even being a murderer in our own stories. That’s really why I love being a writer, for money or for fun.

The hard thing happens not only when we as a writer feel stuck and not getting any idea for writing. But moreover, when we start questioning ourselves, am I really a writer while I don’t feel good enough in writing anything?
Well, well, well.

But anyhow, up until now, I will still love the way of being a writer. With or without a social approval.

Anyway, I suddenly wonder, what if my Instagram project mostly about a crime and murder.  I could not imagine how shocked he would if I asked him:

“I will kill you tonight with my own sharp knife.”

Welcome To Tinder-ish World, A Place Where You Could Find An Agony

One day, I ever asked my manager why he used Tinder while he’s already married with a very kind and pretty woman. He said, just for fun. Well, that’s not surprising, at all.

Online dating has been developed since many times ago. If you ever heard chatting room applications with stranger such as miRC and Mingle, you would not be surprised of how Tinder becomes so popular recently. You don’t even need to wonder why.

If you have a chance to see a whole online catalogue, why bother walking around from mall to mall?

Yes, those such of Tinder-ish online dating applications cater us a very instant options of a good guys and ladies out there. Or at least, that’s just how it looks. There would be a point plus for us who have such a busy life and who want to have an instant catch. Wow, techno!

As our grand-grand-grand uncle, Einstein said, “I fear the day  that technology will surpass our human interaction.”

It’s really happening now. You might ever read stuffs of how dangerous Tinder-ish (or even social medias) affects dating nowadays, start from a forced hookups, rape, up to murder. Scary, yet true.

I will not tell you a lie, I admit that I used Tinder-ish too.

First, because I was just curious of how it works. Second, I wanted to know what kind of people there. Third, because much of my colleagues used it too just for their fun. And it’s a quite wow when I found that there were a lot of good quality people there, based on their profile such as jobs, names, photos, and how they explained their selves (you could differ people from their brief, isn’t it?).

But you know what, it was all began with the curiosity that led us into a more serious peril. It was all just ‘for fun’ things until we felt kind of addicted into it.

A feeling of ‘one more swipe’ or ‘one more hello’ that drove us over and over. We even tended to use it more often while we’re lonely or needing an approval or an acknowledgment. No wonder, a married person was also oured of this Tinder-ish too.

I will tell you how it came, based on how I feel toward it.

Tinder-ish applications provide us zillion good quality people.

Means, there would me more opportunity for us to find the person who suits with our qualifications VIRTUALLY. It could be their faces, their bodies, their smiles, their jobs, their schools, or even of how comfy they could make us while chatting with them.

We would find the approval of our own self easily while we could match with a top quality person there. We started thinking: “See, I’m not picky, I don’t have an over qualifications, they choose me too, means I am realistic!”

We would find the acknowledgment from the day to day conversation and flirting things there. That was when he or she said to you: “Hey, you have such a cute smile!” or “I like your eyes” or when they said they have a common interest with you. We could easily feel comfy somehow.

Then it would become more serious when we brought it into our real life.

Means, while there was a real person who try to be close with us, then we compared he or she with the ones we have in Tinder-ish world, we would always feel… incomplete. We would feel like: “He or she is way nicer.” That someway, brought a brick between us and the REAL opportunity.  

Let just say, some would end up with a meetup and hookup, not few who end up with a real relationship, but also, some would end up with a more and more searching, and moreover, some would just end up with… a more severe loneliness.

Why.

We can’t erase the fact that there are certain types of people in Tinder-ish world. The hookup-er, the fun searcher, and the most but the rare too, the lonely and serious one. It would not be a trouble when the same type meet each other. Like, the hookup-er meet the hookup-er too. Or the fun searcher with the fun searcher too. The matter happens when the lonely and serious one… meet the… other types.

Why.

Because somehow, even when the people in this type became closer and more intimate with the person there, the prejudice would overshadow them too. They would think of how unreal the intimacy they have with that person, especially when they both never meet. They also would think that person might has a similar intimacy with others at the same time they have with them. The thought of: “If he or she found me there, it’s so possible that someday he or she would leave me and find another one who’s better back to there.”

And just like a drug, when we tried to get rid of it, there would be a withdrawal syndrome. The feeling of agony. That’s why a research shows that it’s not good for us using an online dating while we are in loneliness. Because it would just lead us into another severe loneliness.

Wow, techno!

At this point, I could not be more agree with Uncle Einstein. Technology might make our lives easier. But not at the matter of feelings, emotions, and relationships.

Can not be analogous with finding things such as shoes, bags, or flight tickets; I must say that we can not e-buy a feeling and a person to love, right?

For The Stranger Who Talk With Me Every Night: Thank You For Making Me Feeling This Way

I don’t know who you are.

You came out of nowhere, you popped up just like a spam comes to my e-mail inbox.

You brought various stuffs to talk every day. The images of your cute puppy, the warm blanket that used to cover your chill body, the meal you have just cooked, the scars you got from your fire fighter training, the instructor you hate the most, the story of how much you hate traveling with that express train, the busy day that makes you feel sorry for not talking to me afterwards, the Notebook that kept you binge-watching until dawn and you made me do the same because you kept talking to me those nights.

You know what, I don’t really know who you are.

It was awkward and annoying when you popped up just like that. You left a big question mark hanging on my head. Who are you? Why do I need to hear all of your story? Why do I need to talk with someone whom I don’t really know?

Then, in other days, you just gone. You stopped talking with me. And it really did not matter to me because I don’t really know you. And I don’t think we need to keep the thing going. Day by day flies and then all of sudden, you appeared again.

You said you had a tough final test and things going on. You were sorry, again, because you really had no time to talk with me. Not even handed some phone with you. You told me that you suddenly thinking of me when I asked you whether something happened. Because you know? I don’t really have a freaking idea of who you are. I don’t really bloody understand why you did sorry to me. What for.

But I don’t know why, even if you are like a spam delivered into my inbox, or like a bug in the program, or like a cache on my mobile application;

I would like to thank you.

I don’t realize that it is you who kill all the voice inside my mind every night. It is you that boost up my decreased confidence. It is you who makes me feel like I have another dimension of untouched life. Even if I know you are just joking and lying but it is you who says I look younger than I supposed to be. And it is you who tells me that my family is lucky to have me.

Dear stranger who talk with me every night;

Thank you for making me feeling like this.

Thank you for ease my tired heart. Thank you for making me feeling like I am existed and not just about breathing. Thank you for whatever reason keep sharing your burden and days to me.

I wish we could really know each other well up until you are no longer stranger for me.  

I Don’t Know Anything Now, But I Feel It’s Better

I read lots of quotes about how a little thing could change you (and perhaps) the way you look at life and people.

The interesting thing from the quote is that it somehow could make us feel as if it is so “us”. But, no. I finally literally understand it well.

Take back the time and see me in years ago.

The me who was very well-planned, (sometimes over) achiever, ambitious, such a very dream chaser, and many times I was a person who couldn’t tolerate a mistake I made. Also, I used to live pleasing people around me. It’s like a mandatory to make them happy and think a good side of me.

I was.

I arranged and constructed everything in a very proper composition. I dreamt big and was very optimistic of it. I thought every effort I make to please people were success. I was satisfied just by having a nice future plan and a nice people who liked me. 

I was.

But for some people, reality doesn’t always goes smoothly. You lose things you didn’t expect before, you make mistake that actually not yours, you are treated badly by a person who you please the most, and your dream seems vanished to the sky just like that. Away.

Time by time, you will stuck in a denial cage. You can’t accept the reality that out of your reach now. You feel so bad about yourself by ever having “a too nice self” in your previous days. You don’t know what you have to do, where you have to go, whom you can trust any more. You feel like “it is better for me not to be born at all.” Do you?

I did. 

But you know what, sometimes “don’t know anything” is a best cure.

As in, when our lives seem like out of scenario, what we need to do, perhaps, is not too much forcing ourselves. Not too hard pushing ourselves to grab everything and put the pieces back. Just… stop to push ourselves in questioning everything. Live in the very present. Day by day.

Stop give a damn of how we always compare our messy life with people’s. It’s really not helping.

If you’re in amidst of searching your love, just be cool in doing it. Don’t give a stupid damn of how your friends getting married earlier than you. It’s their lives, not yours.

If you have just lost your job and you feel like you don’t know where to start. Stop give a shit of your friend’s LinkedIn status update. It’s their lives, not yours. 

If you are trapped in a vicarious circle of your family problems. Come on, do you really think that all the photos they update are look just the way that harmonious like that? 

It’s their lives, not yours. 

When I started to act the way I want to, not because I think of how to be liked by others, or of how it supposed to be, I feel like a half of my burden was gone. 

I know I don’t have a clear vision of my future, and perhaps it’s not as clear as people’s. But at least, I know what I am doing. 

I know I might do something that feels nothing now, but I am sure it will give a value for me.

So, for you who experience the same thing, believe me, “not knowing anything” is sometimes a good cure. 

One point we have to remember, we can stop pushing ourselves too hard, but we can’t stop believing that ourselves deserve something better.