It’s Time To Walk Away From Those Who Only Think You As An Option

You are not a paper test on the high school. Your life is not a multiple choices that people can only pick you as an option. You are not an object among items on the market alley. Your existence is not without a unique purpose that people can consider you just as the same with other.

You are obviously not a karaoke voucher given at the end of the year. You breathe for a reason that people can not use you only when they are convenient.

You are not a rest area along a distant highway. Your presence is not a pit stop that people can come and go without thinking to stay at all. You are not just a random number in the old cell phone. You might be available all the time but not for those who only think of you when they are lonely and alone.

You are definitely not a spare tire hanged on the back of a car. You can be everyone’s rescuer but it doesn’t mean you are only people’s back up, people’s plan B.

You are not a giggling doll sold in the Ebay. You might always want to entertain people but not for those who call you on the night when they are sober but then forgetting you on the next morning.

And seriously, you are not a customer service of the cable tv provider you subscribed. You can pick up anyone’s call any time but not for those who call you only when they have a bonus package.

Who do they think they are?

You know what, no one in this life wants to be considered only as an option. Each of one do want to be someone’s priority, or at least with the equivalent dose we prioritize them. We want to be wanted just as much as we want them. Equally because life should be balance. Even we know that life is about choosing an option, it doesn’t mean you can let people always treat you only as their option.

You deserve to be someone’s today’s special, just like how special a chef thinking and treating you as a good table, everyday.

You are worth more than being a daily topic list on your favorite website, you are worth as an editorial’s pick just as much as editorial team pick deliberately to serve you as the only one, everyday. You deserve to be someone’s signature dish that they put a huge effort just to get you and when they do, they will feel satisfied and enough.

Yes. Always being an option are tiring, exhausting, and irritating.

It is when you think you will be the first person who hears someone’s good news but then you only know it from other people, worse than that, someone’s social media. It is when you think you will be the only one who is invited for the special concert but then you know that someone decides to go with someone else. It is when you up all night and wait for someone’s call but after a week there was just nothing. And then when you try to accept the reality that you are only someone’s option, they just pop up in your life again without feeling guilty.

Seriously, who do they think they are?

For those who can only make a fool of your kindness and existence in their lives, show them that you are not.

Show them that you can survive without them. Show them that your life even brighter without they are living in it. That you are so much happier and it’s more than okay not to have them in your life. Because once they consider you only as an option, they will never take you as a priority.

And you have to show them that you worth as a priority. But if they still can’t see it, it’s the right time to walk away.

*

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This Is Why I Always Have A Soft Spot For Creative Jobs (Like So Much!)

One of the most frequent question people throw to me is that how could I land myself in my current career? And I never have other answer than it just happens. But now I am getting know it.

 

I am actually confused of how surprised people knowing that I choose to eventually develop my self in a media and advertising field rather than jobs that relate with my former major, psychology. Because as I widen my networking, I become know that much of people experience the same thing;

Going further but faster out of their real paths.

And in my perspective, a bachelor psychology is much relate with any jobs that consist of human relationship, right?

 

But do you really want to know why I become madly in love with these whole different path career, which is in a creative industry field?

Because they appreciate people based on the talent and skill we have, not based on a shitty sheet thing that full of numbers and requirements that sometimes end up in a dustbin.

 

I might feel sorry of being sarcastic but this is true. And maybe, my college friends do feel the same.

 

It’s not that I have never been trying to grab a job in my major that mostly in Human Resources. I did, at a very time after I graduated. With a powerful spirit of pretension getting a settled job as at least recruitment staff. But believe it or not, with the Cumlaude title on my certificate, I could not even get a call out from a hundred resumes I sent. Wow, life is hard, I know.

 

Up until now, I still have no idea how they were not attracted with the numbers, the certificates, the achievements, the experiences that I cattered for them. Some say that it was because some companies are too scared to hire an over-qualified person. That was why I wasn’t sold well. And that is also why it still doesn’t make sense for me, at all.

 

Fortunately, I always have an eyes for media and journalistic since I was in a high school. I have been so active in a media event and have a dazzling interest in writing. So, I just tried making an attempt on that field. With my very poor and amateur writings, I applied for some magazines and advertising agencies company. And shockingly, out from five resumes that I sent, they all called me. Woah.

 

Attending their interviews, I had a time when it’s hard for me to decide which offer that I would take. Yes, I turned from someone who didn’t even have an appeal into the most wanted one (at least for those five companies). I chosed to join with an advertising agency which was a startup and worked for a year there.

 

Asking to the person who hired me, he said that he had a feeling I might have a talent to develop, regardless the zero experience I brought that time. The interesting part is that they didn’t even ask me which university I graduated. They didn’t care if I was an awardee of popular scholarship or if I was the best graduate of my program.

All they put an attention was only my writing and the willingness I had.

 

For some of you maybe think that this is unfair. But for me, this is how I feel like we are all being equal in a creative industry. It’s not your certificate numerical things or the university you were from that matter, but what you have in your creative mind and how you could bring it on for them. The other interesting point is that, at least in companies that ever hired me, they would spare a time and energy to train and develop your zero experience self if you could show them your high motivation.

It’s not like ‘I like your university and your qualifications, let’s work with me’ but more like ‘I know you have a talent and you want to improve, let’s work together’.

Once they have an instinct that you might be able to contribute a lot by being improved, they wouldn’t doubt to let you work with them.

 

But, I also have to admit that there are always a two-side coin of everything in this life, so does a creative jobs. Because the talent, skill, and ability are very considerable in this field, and also the wheel is always rolling, you can’t take a granted for the competitiveness. We are demanded to always open our mind, see our surrounding, and never feel enough of ourselves. To adjust with the expansion of era.

But that’s just how I still and will always a soft spot for this career field. What about you?

The Days I Fight So Hard, If Only You Knew

Who doesn’t like the euphoria of falling with someone?
The morning when you wake up with the reason to smile. The night you spend with overnight call until you feel your eyes are glued but you don’t want to give up the call. The day when he or she finally asks you when you both are going to meet. The second when you see him or her and you want to freeze the moment at least for longer times.
In fact, everybody addicts to the chemical reaction in their gut when they are falling in love. The very first starting point of relationship that is a whole better than a bar of chocolate. It excites you, it boosts you, and even it drives you crazy. The mechanism that is  stronger than a doping pil. It energizes you too.
We love the idea of having someone to crush with. And even it crushes our heart too because the name itself is crush. 
It crushes your heart when you see their name popping up on your screen. It crushes your heart when you hear their electrical voices. It crushes your heart just by a simple question from them asking how your day was. It crushes your heart when they say a little thing that reminding them of you. It even crushes your heart by coincidentally listening to a song that you both like it somewhere. 
It feels like there is a butterfly in your belly tickling you but you like that sensation. Moreover, you addict on it. The addiction that sometimes crushes your heart more in pieces.
It crushes you more when they don’t text you unreasonably. It crushes you more when there is no call at all during a week. It crushes you more when you play over the memory you have with them recently and kind of starving for it. It crushes you more simply by overanalyzing if you are good enough to keep their attention to you. And it crushes you more just by hoping their hello at the end of your bad day.
We seem are a pseudomasochist because we let our heart in pain just because we love crushing with them. And even we have tough days to fight for.
It is the day when you have a tremendous battle between your feeling toward them and the fact that you have already know. It is the day when you have to fight the urge of texting them first while they are ghosting you. It is the day when you are slapped by your own mind because you know you can’t hope anything from your undefined and almost relationship. It is the day when you struggle so hard to fight the thought that if they meant to call you, they would. It is the day when you miss them so freakingly hard but you restrain yourself not to tell them. Because ego is a hell of drug. And it is the day when you wait them to schedule your meetup without any sudden cancellation.
It is tough, darling. The days that we fight so hard for any feeling attached toward them. And it crushes us more for hoping they would know. If only.

Are Some People Meant To Be Born As A Player?

First, let’s just set the common perception about a player.

We refer a player in here as a person who likes to play a mind and psychological game in order to attract people in their surrounding, especially their opposite sex. With or without relationship attached, with or without an obvious reason.

I’m sure that you might ever meet or even have a relationship with these kind of people, a player in your life. It perhaps you just didn’t know that they were or you did but you kept things going because you just curious of how things would go. Maybe, by thinking that they would change for you.

While unfortunately, they didn’t. At all.

It’s hard not to admit that a player often has a certain irresistable charm for us.

They often look somehow attractive, good looking, talkative, nice, even popular in their own way. It’s just inevitable that we somehow eventually tricked on their sex appeal. It could be the way they socialize, the way they think about some matters, or maybe it’s just the charm of their physical appearance.

The problem comes when we are getting to know closer with them, we realize that they just try to attract us so that we could join the ‘fanbase’ they have been making along this time. We might notice this from their social medias. If you are a guy, you notice that there are tons of ‘oh girl you look so beautiful, when are we gonna meet?’ comments on her every posting that end up being unreplied. If you are a girl, you see it from how much he spreads the love buttons along with leaving the ‘hey girl you look cute as always’ comment in many of ladies’ postings. Crap.

It’s actually easy to know if someone is player.

As a human, either you are a guy or girl, we have an instinct, a gut feeling that tells us something implicitly, including this case. But at worst, even if we know that perhaps it’s not only us getting hurt by them, we still feel that hurt. Knowing that the attention they gave to us was actually not too special. They sell it to everyone.

So, the question comes after that is whether some people meant to be born as a player?

M. Farouk Radwan tells that there are certain reasons people end up by being a player and I could highlight that it is all about the insecurity.

A player who often stands up as a confident (sometimes over confident) person is actually not that confident. They even are still trying to reassure their selves by getting a validation from the other. Yes, it’s like they are needing a prove from outward so bad. Because they still couldn’t discover their very own selves, they need an approval from others. They hunger for their ‘oh you are so attractive and good looking that I can’t even resist’ just to make sure that they are. They thirst of ‘I miss you and I want to be on your side’ just to know that their presence are needed.

Many of players are actually craving for the feeling of being wanted and desired.

No wonder, if you are currently making a relationship with someone like this, you are often trapped being ghosted. Five days in a row he or she was so clingy and showering you with their attention, and the next two weeks he or she would just disappeared from your orbit. No text, no call, nothing but they kept updating their social lives online. The strongest reason is that they want you to want them. They want you to prioritize them by showing that you are not always their priority. Ouch.

So, what shall we do if we fall for these kind of people?

Stop feeding them a validation they always seek from us.

I know that we love to play a game since we were child. But it’s a big no no for these kind of mind and psychological games. We will be wounded, especially our self-esteem and our self-regard. Because, once we are surviving them, letting our own selves tricked in their games, we will often fall in a feeling of insecure. We will doubting ourselves many times because of feeling not enough for them. Especially when they start to spread their hook and play as a ghost. We will slowly lose our value and self-love by feeling not worthy for them.

It might be hard at the first because as I said before, they somehow have a very strong magnetic charm that we often can’t resist. But, how many times will we let them playing our psychological feeling? How many chance will we give for them to threat our mental health?

All I could say, let the player play while we love the lover. Shake it off!

Dear All Women, Regardless Your Messy Self, You Still Are So Much Worth

For you who silently cry in the bathroom every night, try to hide your tears, just because he says that you are not good in your dress or any other clothes you pick to wear.

For you who always stare at the mirror and doubt yourself, just because he never tells how beautiful you are and keeps criticizing your look instead.

For you who always try so hard by wearing a mask, a thick one, just so you can be able to please him by being someone else he idealizes the most, and he keeps comparing you to her.

For you who often hold back the pain and calm your emotion down, every time he only focuses to talk about himself without even try to ask your opinion.

For you whose self-esteem is actually wounded, just because he always highlights himself and his life as the most important and best one, and he thinks that yours is not.

For you who actually feel tired of never expressing yourself, just because he never gives you any chance of that, he does not even think you deserve one.

For you who sob yourself out every night on the edge of your bed, every time he does not give you any call, any text, but keep updating himself over his social media, partying with other girls.

For you who never miss any second on the rack of your insecurities, wondering if you are enough for him, just because he seems always feel does not quite satisfied about your both relationship.

For you who start thinking that you might already lose yourself value, just because again, he always overruns you with his wiseacre advice as if he knows everything better than you.

And girls, for you who is desperately notice that you have reached your limit but you still stuck on him, just because you think there will be no one else wanting you as he does, in fact he never does.

You are so much worth for every own and way.

You are a significant one that no one can judge you just based on the price of your shoes, or the color of your skin that he might think does not fit with your dress.

You are a pulchritudinous without needing any validation from other that even he tells that you do not have any curves, or your curves ain’t really good, just goddamn throw those words away.

You are an authentic pure human being live on this earth, that even Adam Levine marries Behati Prinslo, you do not really need to push yourself trying to copy her.

You are a harmoniously chic river flow on the mountain, that you deserve to keep your mental hygiene fine and well without anyone else trying to contaminate you, not even him.

You and your life are a precious one which resulted from the selection of thousands or even million sperms, that God only choose you to have a gasp in this life.

You are a super massive blast which sparkles spread over the beautiful night skies, that no one can hold you to show up your shining light, not even him.

You and the time that you have are having a great value that does not deserve to be wasted just for waiting his enunciation because he is not the daily newspaper you subscribed.

You are born with a meaningful purpose in your own life, that is not always about him because you are not satisfactory machine for him, you have your own mission.

You are a genuine, strong, and independent woman that has already chosen your value, that no one can hold your step back and take a granted for everything you are.

And dear beautiful creature with a full bless who read this now, you are worth more than a guy who only can drag and let your wings down, let him go.

Because dear, there is no point of keeping someone who can not give you a guarantee of being your own self. There is no point of surviving a relationship that can not make us love and see our own selves.

You do not really need someone who can not help you meet and madly in love with yourself instead of pretending to be anyone else.

In which, it will only grow the insecurity and doubt within you fertile and it definitely kill your own precious inner goddess.

Let him go because you are so worth in every own and way.

Release yourself from him, break the cage that he or perhaps you have made, and please do not ever scared of waving goodbye without expecting to meet again, just fckin let him go.

Because once you can free up yourself from all of these poisonous corrosive prison, you will realize that even if you have tons of flaws, you are still beautiful in your own way.

And all you need is just someone who can respect it properly.

Free

I let my insecurities free;
Cause I am too tired to pretend

And I am too tired to impress

Or chase

Something that doesn’t belong to me

That maybe will not really belong to me.
I let my worries fly;

Those ones that keep my heart beat up too fast

For thinking the thousand what ifs

And wondering the million if onlys

Because

I am exhausted for gulping the logic

Of a million reason.
I let my mind free.

Because We Are Still Young, Options Are Everywhere

Have you ever been crushing to someone and hoping that he or she will just belong with you?

Ever since and then, you feel like you want to own them, just by your self. You become easy to feel curious, suspicious, or even jealous if they give their attention to the other. You don’t want them to hangout, call, text, or even just hit the like button of other’s Instagram! You feel like—he or she is mine and no one could belong him or her but me. Duh, sounds so possessive, isn’t it?

Chill out, I tell you, that is normal.

It is the feeling that growing from fancying to liking to loving and want to owning. But, have you ever thought as a person that has just entered someone’s middle chapter? Many times when I meet new people and we start getting closer, I tend to think that I am just a new person who is walking through his or her life. I don’t even know what the story before the chapter I walk in. That perhaps, he or she has already had someone special in their lives. That perhaps, he or she has already had some routines that not including me and they have been just fine. And that perhaps, I will just mean nothing in their lives.

So, I talk with someone about this poignant feeling that often happen to me. You know what that person said to me?

You are still young, so does he or she, you guys still have another options, and you both are frankly allowed to choose.

It’s really provoking me. Damn, it is right! Along this whole time, I only kept myself busy by thinking ‘what ifs’. What if he or she don’t like my existence in their lives? What if we don’t go well afterward? What if I will just be the reader of his or her chapter and not the character? What if I mean nothing for him or her? These insecurities are killing me.

In fact, I should have just kicked that kind of thought and just explored other options that I might had these times. Instead of worrying about my meaning to their lives, I could just let it chill. Because I also have options to explore, right? Because WE still have zillions options to try. So, let it be, catch the fishes out there and have some fun journey!

*

This Is How Similar Getting A New Job With Getting A New Lover

Drama is everywhere and it also happens in working.

Started when we were a newbie in office, the shy one, up until we have to wave goodbye and move on to the other office. Especially when we have a certain kind of strong bonding with the old office. It will not be easy to just move and adapt with new one. And I think, it somehow has a similarity with building a new relationship.

It was when we just resigned from the previous office after having lots of drama behind. The pain was still there and so did the memory. Days after that, we tend to have such a feeling of want to try a new thing but still can’t let go the old one. For me, it took some days to completely focus on seeking new opportunities. Just like our relationship, or maybe this one is harder. When we have just broken up with our lover, the healing took times.

It depends on how strong the bonding we had.

And then when the opportunity comes, we might feel excited about that. We think that this perhaps will lead to a better one. We attend the interview and selection with many hopes we bring with us. But the challenge is not finished there. When we walk into the new office will be, we start scanning around and badly, comparing to the old one. Then the thought comes, I don’t think I can feel comfy here. We-start-doubting-your-decision.

But show must go on, right? We keep going and we know that this time we need to choose the better one, the job that might settle us at least for 2 years ahead. Not the one that only give us a temporary slight comfy. So, we become a little bit picky because we don’t want to make another mistake. And when it doesn’t go well, we will be just okay. It’s better to have a rocky road in the beginning than drown in the big wave afterward, we assume.

So, we keep pushing our selves to walk. We seek, send resume, attend the interview and selection, make negotiation, over and over. Up until we start feeling exhausted. We feel tired to only walk from one opportunity to the other without having a real certainty. Just like meeting tons of new guys without having a real serious one. It is tiring somehow and we know it.

But there is one thing we can learn from both, seeking new guys and seeking new offices: We can’t avoid making a mistake in this life. Mistake is a part of our steps and so does the pain from the aftermath.

Even we think that we have chosen and done the best, the mistake will still be there at some point. But we have to also remember, mistake and failure are just bruises, not a tattoo. All we need to do is just keep going. We are gonna make it.

You are gonna make it.

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You  May Not Think That You Have Influenced Someone, Until…

I don’t know why people love to share their feelings and lives with me, including their problems and burdens. And when it happens, I tend to have more ears than a mouth. It’s not because I don’t care or I don’t want to respond it, I just know that at some point, people just want to be listened, to be heard. But also not few times I choose to shout my words right at the moment they talk to me. Moreover when they seek for a solution by throwing up a question. Even when I also have a problem too. 
Many times I feel like giving no solution to them and our conversation seems like end up with nothing too. But at least, I have told them what I think perhaps it is right. But you know what, some people came to me lately and they said something that’s shocking me surprisingly. It’s when they say, “I just remember what you have said to me and I did it afterward.” 
Well, what shocking me are first, I never thought that my words will stick in their mind. Second, I never expect that it would lead them to do the thing I told them to. Third, I didn’t know that it would change their lives in a better way. And last but not least, I didn’t notice that knowing this could cure my bitter feeling about life somehow.
It was when they told me that my words have changed their days, their mind, or the way they see their own lives. It was when they told me with the excitement that they are now feeling like having a direction or have found a new clearer path in their lives. And it was when they whispered to me that they have already left their bad habit such as suicidal attempts or self harming. Wow. I was speechless when they said that. It’s not just because the truth they brought, but more like I can’t believe that I could influence them that way, that deep.

It is really right if people say, “Be careful of whom you may influence.”

I now can really feel the strong power underneath. Influencing people in positive ways gives such a courage for us even when our live seems bitter. Because what, even if we feel like we are a failure, we have helped people to get rid from their previous failure. 

So, keep spreading the positive vibes and inspiring people because you might not know how you could change someone’s life.

Dear Society, I’m Sorry I’m Not Fit In

I love being a social person.

I loved interacting with people, trying to talk with each one in the room, getting to know closer, or even being a kind person in the terms of social norms. Short word, I used to always try fitting my self into my environment. I just wanted to keep my self as sane as society by doing what they decide is right. Means, avoiding the cigars, the beer, even piercing itself. And what did I get?

They liked me because I fitted with their rules.

But as the time goes by and I grow up older. I started to see things differently, unexpectedly, especially about society and rules itself. But before we talk further, there is one thing I want to highlight here: Obeying the rules is a good thing. So yes, I grew up by being a good kid and I am proud of it.

I remember, people in my environment always said when I was little, we, children had no right to talk when the elders were discussing something. We had no right to express our ideas. Just because they thought we were still too young and they thought, perhaps, we did not know anything. So yes, I grew up by being a good kid and also a too-scared-to-express-self kid and I regret it.

Then the time flies, I go through the puberty, and become a young adult. And because I like writing, I often find my self having an explosion of ideas for every issues that I think matter. And because I live in a millennial generation, I expose it on my social medias. They liked me, they liked my posts. So I was thinking of yes, I finally have a right to speak up and express my self because I’m not a kid any more. And they liked me, again.

Until last year when my society was driven by the elite politics and became a bit cranky.

If you ever heard the blasphemy case in Indonesia, yes that one. That thing ruined every thing. It was elite politics’ hidden business that blinding society. The extremist and radicals moved because they thought they were right and this case was worth fighting for. It was right, somehow about the blasphemy thing. But then the society went insane even if the law in Indonesia has decided to process it fairly.

Up until this second, there are two poles in Indonesia that seemed like the same poles, never ending opposing each other. So, as I thought that I finally had a right to say my opinion, I posted something of course based on my thought about it. And the result from my environment was quiet shocking that time:

They opposed me, extremely.

1890438193-conformity_vs__rebellion_by_silentautumn

They even named me with something rude call. Just because I am not fit with things that they think right, out of religion and belief things.

For someone who used to live peacefully as a good lovable and likeable kid, it feels like a huge kick for the first time. I never know that being a public enemy would be as easy as clicking ‘post’ on your social media then Boom! Congratulation, you are being hated by your society! Wow.

I was like… seriously? Just because I have a different idea with you then you could kick and call me in that rudely way? Again, it was such a huge kick for me. I shocked because of being alienated by my society. I needed times to let go and just accepted my self as an defendant on their perspective. Being shocked made me stopped chirruping about that matter and just focused on the other things (thank you NBA playoffs for keeping me sane!).

I can not avoid the fact that I was scared being hated too. No one likes having haters just because they are different. So, I also contemplate my self. Am I that wrong? Am I that bad? And other thousands ‘am I’ things that many times led me into a long overthinking night.

Long time passed, I did much more productive things rather than keeping up with that hidden politics business behind this blasphemy case. Then yesterday, I read an article saying that there was a teenager whose Facebook was claimed, sued, and blocked because she offered the idea about this blasphemy too. And I red her post because the matter went viral. I could say, her idea is way too great to be pointed as an offensive post. Her post was neutral, deep, and so objective. So, what is actually happening?

Yes, the society goes crazy and now I am really sure that it was not me.

That it was just them, it was just the society. This is the time when people will easily offense you just because you have a different idea and you have a sharp mind, and a bold heart to shout it out. This is the time when people claim that you are now their enemy just because you unfollow them or leave the group. Yes, this is the time when everyone thinks they are right and other is wrong.

Wow. Again. For that thing, I would like to say to you who read this.

We, human may not be able living in solitary life without society. But we, human, may not be able as well trying to always fit ourselves in our society. So, when you think that, God, I can not hang on any more, people is sick now, you are allowed to say:

Dear my society, I am sorry I am not fit in so I am quit.

And having a more peaceful life afterwards.