Poems

Free

I let my insecurities free;
Cause I am too tired to pretend

And I am too tired to impress

Or chase

Something that doesn’t belong to me

That maybe will not really belong to me.
I let my worries fly;

Those ones that keep my heart beat up too fast

For thinking the thousand what ifs

And wondering the million if onlys

Because

I am exhausted for gulping the logic

Of a million reason.
I let my mind free.

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I Don’t Lose You

I don’t lose you;

When you’re not even mine,

When we’re not even knowing each other,

When we’re just totally stranger,

Or

When you’re not even see us as us.

 

I don’t lose you;

 

When our hands never entangled,

When you walk out often,

When I can only see me and you see you,

Or

When the stars above always separate us.

 

I don’t lose you;

 

When I just don’t want to let you go,

When I can’t stop doubting;

Would you take my hand?

Cause I just don’t lose you.

I don’t want to.

You Ain’t Die

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you ain’t there.

I fail to see you;

you’re a thousand voices that fly.

you’re a sparkling diamond on the sun.

you’re a light beaming on glittery night.

you’re a hundred steps lead the way.

that when I awaken in an uproar morning;

you’re the calming wind blow through the window.

of a rush and a haste chasing me.

you’re a bird chirruped pretty in a royal blue.

you’re a stars glare adorning a pale moon.

 

I won’t stand at your grave and cry;

you ain’t there. you ain’t die.

(In answer to dr. Mary Elizabeth Frye’s poem on 1932, 2016)

I’ve Lost It

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I’ve lost it

I forgot putting it where

Or maybe it lags

Somewhere

But I couldn’t remember

Whether I really ever took it

Or Am I really never have it

All I know

I’ve lost it now

Maybe it’s inhaled onto the whirlpool of confusion

Vanished into the blurry diffusion

Or perhaps it never really exists

It was only the illusion

That make it feels real

But apparently I just lose it

No use I search it everywhere

If in fact it was never really there

Or maybe reality has stolen it

I hope it is back

Whilst I need it

— my identity.

Di Tempat Jauh Tidak Ada Masa Lalu

— Salah satu puisi paling menyentuh karya M. Aan Mansyur dalam “Tidak Ada New York Hari Ini”

 

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Tidak ada masa lalu. Hidup adalah musuh.

Kau bangun menemukan hari yang ingin kau hapus menunggu di dekat pintu, seperti sepasang sepatu yang harus kau kenakan ke tempat kerja. Wajah-wajah yang melewati jalanan sibuk itu separuh asing. Separuh milik seseorang yang tidur di kota yang menjauh dan terus mengabur digerus kabar buruk.

Andai saja perihal yang tersimpan dalam benak mengetuk pintu ingatan hanya bila dibutuhkan—seperti seseorang datang mengantar sekotak pizza ketika kau lapar dan cuma ada tumpukan piring kotor di dapur.

Di tempat jauh tidak ada masa lalu.

Jarak antara kenangan dan masa depan ialah keterpisahan taut dan kalut di dada yang berusaha tidak meluap di mata. Tapi kau tidak pernah tahu: siang ini langit akan baik-baik saja atau badai datang menyerang sekali lagi. Kau tidak pernah tahu.

Clipper Boy

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Taking the important part, the crucial thing

They won’t see you in the camera

Because you seems like invisible thing

And you will always hide like that

 

No no no, you don’t mean it bad

Cause they just can’t see yourself

You’re not live behind that camera

You just have to be like that

 

To be like that

To be the one who hold the point thing

That could start and done the scene

That could say action or cut

 

Don’t you realise?

Just like those part, you take my heart

You’re so random so hard to be understood

Appear then disappear

Start the thing then end it up

 

Just like that, you hide behind my life

They might not see you

You take my heart, the important part

Then say ‘cut’ in the middle of thing happen

Teman

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Seiring bergulirnya waktu

Kawan tak lagi soal bertemu

Tak pula selalu perkara canda

yang dulu pernah laku

Berteman kini lebih soal menjadi satu

Cara mereda egoku, egomu

Yang diam-diam bisa jadi peluru

atau belenggu

Dan soal kita yang tetap berpeluk

walau dalam haru

Hingga tanpa sadar tlah banyak hari baru

berlalu

 

Dan aku, kamu, tetap jadi satu.

 

Fairytales

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Fairytale doesn’t exist, they say

There’re no white horses knight

Or a prince that sweep off your feet

Or princess waiting in castle

 

But,

Do we exist, you asked

We do, I said

We could make our own lines, you said

 

And

Bring fairytale into real.

 

Oh.