Author: titikoma;

We all started as strangers (and might end up as strangers too).

A Story Of A Rough Journey That Eventually Led You Discovered Your Worth

It’s been months since the last time you seen his name on your screen, heard his voice before you sleep, held his hands along the way, or just laughed over his silly jokes all day long. But it’s also been months since you spent your nights crying over him, worrying about your own self, your own values, all your insecurities that he never understood and seen.

 

It was a very hard time, the morning aftermath when you realized that it’s not him you’re losing, it’s all your routines, your daily convos, your dependable and inseparable self toward him. You had to switch all your days’ rotation after the night you said goodbye to him.

 

You thought that your heart was not only broken, it’s bleeding, scattered, and you got no idea how could you put the pieces back again. Each morning, when you opened your eyes, it felt like you’re drowning, you couldn’t breathe, neither you could cry. You felt so overwhelmed that you couldn’t contain anything anymore. You were about to explode. Almost every morning.

 

Every day became a struggle for you. Just to wake up, take a bath, and have a normal function like you used to be. You forced yourself not to show your scars to people. You smiled, you laughed, you did everything as if your heart was okay. Yet still, on the night, when you came back home, closed the door, the emptiness suddenly attacked you. Again, you couldn’t breathe, neither you could cry.  Almost every night.

 

And the worst thing, you didn’t know why.

 

It’s like a tangled thread you couldn’t put apart. Everything looked ruined, you didn’t know where to start or where to end. You couldn’t see anything clearer, everything seemed like a darkness poured in the night skies. The difference was this ain’t beautiful. You knew you couldn’t swim yet you always let yourself being drowned by the same ocean. You know you could have been died because of it, yet you always let yourself being cut in the same spot.

 

Because you just didn’t know why.

 

You read lots of motivational quotes on Pinterest. You tried to learn about what was actually happening with you by watching zillion TED talks on Youtube. You stumbled yourself upon many psychology tips & articles. Until you noticed, you couldn’t overcome this alone. You needed someone, a professional one. So, one day you pushed yourself to go seeking a therapist. You did some sessions, yet, you still felt like you’re always drowning each day. You felt they just didn’t get your back, didn’t understand you. So, you came back to your own empty nest, let yourself bleeding again.

 

Until that day came, you didn’t remember exactly when it was.

 

The time when you suddenly awakened by the feeling ‘I couldn’t be always like this, I need to stop, because no one could save me but my self’. That time, you didn’t know where the energy and vibes came from, you started getting the sparks again. You knew you needed to change, in and out. Because whatever you did, reminiscing all the pains were not gonna change the past, and worrying all your thoughts was not gonna change the future either.

 

You got up, you picked your phone, you called your friends. You invited them to go with you. But this time was different. You both didn’t go to the mall to fill your emptiness by impulsively shopping, neither you go to the cafe to feed your hunger by binge-eating. Instead, you worn your sports shoes, you tied up the laces, you went to the studio. You both joined the class, ate up the sessions. Got sweat, moved angrily.

 

That time, the moment after your class finished, you didn’t know why you felt so healed. It’s like it could erase almost half of your sorrow and fill almost half of your hollow. It made you addicted to getting another session, another class. Not only that, you started taking care of your own meals, your body. You were all ears to everything that your emotion told you.

 

Days became weeks, weeks became months until unconsciously you never cry to sleep any longer. The sun shines brighter in each morning. The waves of the ocean that once always drowning you, are no longer exist. You can laugh, smile, and function again, but this time is literally ones. You pay more attention to love yourself before start loving anyone else again.

 

Because you learn, being alone is way better than being with someone who makes you lonelier than usual. You know you don’t have to rush things just because you scared of losing it. What’s yours, will be yours, however. You understand it’s better to lose people than to lose yourself just so that we can keep being together with those who don’t see your values.

 

That time, when you realize, it’s been months since his name popped up on your screen, his voice swung you to sleep, and his hands hold you tight, and you’re not bleeding anymore, instead, you can smile and thank him for giving you so many lessons…

 

… you are healed. Your worth is discovered.

Advertisements

In Losing You, I Find Me

2 AM when all I can hear is just a whispering mind of the tough week I have fought and a rough road I have walked. I can’t count how many times the nightfall escorts me to you.

Like a vicarious circle, you always trap me. And even if I keep wondering, why staying is such the only choice that I have when actually I always have an option to leave.

I find myself clinching back our times and stories again. Like you’re the utopia, castle in the air, fool’s paradise, I’m betting all I have just to stake for your guesswork.

Cause I don’t think I’m ready to let things go to let the thing go. But then again human will never be prepared for such a loss. Well wait, I might not lose you.

You are the one who’s been trying to search for me inside of everyone you’re with. And I wasn’t found, you just couldn’t find me and maybe you will never be.

I thought I have found my place, in between your arms, or the warmth of your embrace and the fierceness of your voice. But, many times I ended up by looking for more cues from you instead. Like, questioning becomes my new kind of inclination. Until I have reached this point where I finally find out who I am.

I might be too good for you who don’t even sure about me, or even about yourself.

 

 

You’re In Toxic Relationship When He Always Make You Doubt About Yourself

Month after month, through all the heartbreaks and all the rise & fall moments, you still couldn’t see why you always ended up with holding him, holding the possibilities that perhaps you set up in your own mind. You actually know that you should have gotten over it from many times before.

 

It was when he always keeps you lay awake at night, not because of the sweet talks and butterflies he creates to you, but because of all the questions over your head every time he hangs up his call. Or when he says that he misses you over and over again that then you start questioning whether he does it to the others. Or every time you both say goodbye and until then that after it you always wonder whether this would be the last time for you to see him.

 

Not few times you find yourself trapped in the overanalyzing world of yours. You observe every single thing, act, word, and even the feeling and reaction he creates to you. And often, you doubt yourself of whether you would still hold him or just let it go like literally go. Because, deep in your heart, you know you have no serious future with him that the possibility of end up by being in almost-relationship grows clearer.

 

But, here you are, still sitting on your bed, late at night, thinking  about him, again and again.

 

Why him? You question yourself too many times even you know you will always end up by seeking for facts that could support your self-fcking-bias. You deleted his number, unlinked all the social media connections with him, and even ignored him roughly. Just so that it would make everything easier, to forget him, to let him go. When you actually know that it ain’t cause each time you try to do it, the universe seems always bring him to you again.

 

All those little things that remind you of him, your both favourite place, the smell of perfume he used to spray over his body, your both favourite basketball team, even that stupid little popcorn you both used to pick in the cinema, or when you see his company’s name all over the ads. You know you still have a chance to make things work with him each time he asks you out or calls you just to hear your voice because he said he misses you, again, like so bad.

 

Almost all night long you find yourself crying because you miss him when he ghosts you and you don’t actually want this feeling. You want him but you know you should have gotten over him. Gotten overall this unclear relationship. Up until you remember;

 

When he let you waited for him almost more than an hour because he still played on the hall, or when he kept you confused about how he said he would call you late at night but he didn’t, or when he said he would come to approach your place but he didn’t show up at all, and when he let you go home alone in the super late at night by saying please text me when you get home rather than taking you home;

 

You notice, you can’t force someone to love you when he actually doesn’t.

 

It’s now like a crystal clear, you see that he’s never really that serious with you. That, it’s not healthy for your mental hygiene because many times all he does is just making you wondering whether you are enough for him. That, it’s better to let someone go when you often feel less and empty even when you’re with them. And that, maybe, again, he doesn’t belong to you, this relationship doesn’t belong to you. Cause at this time, you know that you always wonder your worth and if someone really loves you, they’re supposed not to make you feel this way.

 

A healthy relationship is when you both can support each other rather than doubting your precious self and talent, when he doesn’t often tell ‘I miss you’ cause you both have a fixed time and schedule to meet each other, when he doesn’t let you wait too long because he knows nobody likes waiting, and when he doesn’t let you doubt about your self-worth because he just loves you too much that you don’t have a time to even wonder about it.

 

2017 almost ends, you know you better to end something because keeping it will just destruct and drown yourself, slowly but killing…

You’re In Toxic Relationship When He Always Make You Doubt About Yourself

What 2017 Has Taught Me

That many times you have to embrace yourself, step out from your comfort zone and be ready for the wind and thunder out there just so that you could explore your other sides. Because it is good to set rules and plans in your life, but you also have to be ready for each changes life gives you. Nothing is certain in this life, the certainty itself has a probability of becoming the uncertainty. So, don’t be afraid of leaving your warm and cozy blanket and go sailing.

 

That many times, you could be strong when being strong is the only option you have. You can’t rely yourself on others. Everybody has their own script and goals they want to achieve every day. It doesn’t mean no one would care about you, it is just–depending yourself too much on people will eventually leave you disappointed. Because you expect too much and expectations kill as you may know. So, believe yourself that you could go thru hard times, even alone.

 

That many times falling in love doesn’t always make you happy, farther when you don’t even sure that you are the only one who receives the butterflies he or she sends to you. It could be any others and it’s not fair if you are judging him or her for sending the butterflies to other as the unkind manner. It’s their right. So, everything is going back to you whether you want to keep their butterflies even you know falling for them will hurt you, or just moving on.

 

That many times you could not rush something just because you think you are running out of time. Time will never end unless you decide it ends. You perceive it ends. Rushing something will only leave you exhausted because you are competing with your own self. And everything prior to conflict with our own self is tiring. So, take a while, live at the moment, believe in the process, and the result of your painful efforts will come.

 

As well as many times you need to get yourself out of wondering what is coming next too much. It will lead you to the overthinking and it ain’t good for your mental hygiene. Shall you know something will be bad for you, it’s better to cut it off rather than continue doing it while you’re wondering what will happen if you stay? So, the decision in the very early stage of your steps is very crucial and important.   

 

And that many times the drama you face is not coming from outside, it’s within yourself instead. It could be you are the only one who starts creating your own drama. That maybe, either in work or relationship, it’s not the who drain you emotionally, it’s your own self. And knowing that drowning yourself in dramas will be tiring, so you have to stop it from your own self.

 

For the brighter, happier and more enchanting 2018.

Stop Testing Him, Because Perhaps You Just Love the Idea of Loving Him

It’s been a while since you both knowing each other.

You still remember how you both first met. Each day, you are getting closer to him. It feels like he always opens himself to you. He told you lots about his day, how it was so hard for him through his job, how it was so fun his games went, what he would do for a month ahead. He even talks about the plan to go with you next time. That you don’t even sure what next time means for him. It could be tomorrow, next days, weekends, or even becomes never.

You can’t stop smiling each time you see his name pops up during your boring meeting-to-meeting days. Or in the middle of the conversation that you have with your friends. You can’t lie to yourself that, somehow, his name always successfully grabs your attention. Whatever it takes. Whatever it appears. Whenever it shows up. He indeed has a special spot in your mind.

Just his simply sweet talk, just his simple voice notes, just the way he anchors his face in your brain from night to night. You know he’s special for you. You know you both have an opportunity, or at least you wish.

But you know what, have you ever noticed that you might be in your own story along this time?

Have you ever asked yourself, what would happen if you never showed your interest to him first, would he be the one who showed it then? Have you ever been alert, does he ever know your favourite drinks and foods, or even has he ever wanted to know that? Have you ever been thought, when he talked excitedly about his plan in a month, has he ever asked about yours, or even has he ever showed his curiosity towards yours?

Oh dear, you don’t have to answer.

It’s sometimes hard to know whether people are truly falling in love or just falling into the idea of loving someone. It’s sometimes so blurred to see whether people need someone so hard as their personal self, or they just need anybody as a human being. It’s often not easy to recognize whether people are comfortable with their close relationship because they are mentally satisfied, or they have just been trying to satisfy their selves and convincing their own situation. Many time they are trapped in a grey and blurry area they didn’t even know their selves.

Oh dear, you don’t have to overthink about it.

When you always try to push yourself just to give him one more chance, one more test. Just so that you know whether he will invest in yourself in a balance amount or not. Or just so that you know, that song he sang and sent to you in the midnight was because he thought about you, and it wasn’t just because he was bored, or drunk. Or just so that you get a clearer vision that he really meant to meet you and it was because he was longing too.

Oh dear, you don’t have to continue testing him, checking him.

Even if he might be your favourite what ifs, or maybe he is your most-waited notification, or maybe his voice becomes your favourite caffeine, no he’s not. You deserve someone that could be more than just that. Your time worth for someone who could give you more than just a need to validate, to make sure, to grow up being insecure. No, you don’t.

Maybe it’s not him that you crave for, maybe it’s not him that you actually long for, maybe it’s just not him who deserves all of your attention, loves, and energies. Maybe.

He Both Makes You Excited to Fly Yet Scared to Leave the Ground

Here, takes my jacket that you might feel warmer, he said.

You pulled in yours and you said no thank you.

Here, I give my hat that protects your hairs from getting wet, he offered.

You opened up your umbrella and said let’s walk together and get safe.

Are you tired, do you need me to take your bag, he asked.

Aren’t yours heavier I could see it, you answered with the smile on your face as you touched his bag.

It’s okay we could use my card, he whispered when in the cashier.

Thank you, but please I will pay it later on, you begged him.

 

He was nice, you thought.

Maybe it’s just because he was nice, like—to everybody, your mind fought.

But at least he treated me like a gentle one, you still tried to argue.

Being gentle doesn’t avoid someone from being a player, your mind still could debate you.

Could you please just be quite a bit, you tried to shut your mind.

I couldn’t, I am protecting you from getting hurt, it resisted.

Why do you even hope me to get hurt, you protested.

Because I know you would, everybody knows, even your heart, it indeed answered.

I hate knowing it but at least could we enjoy the moment a bit, you argued tenderly.

Well—

 

Are you tired from walking in miles with me, he interrupted your crazy battlefield.

You just smiled and laughed, not even a bit, you said within your heart.

It is funny thinking that you keep things going thru the hard times.

Thru the doubts, thru the tears, thru the pain, thru your own mind conflict;

Here seeing yourself walking side by side with him.

Like nothing ever happened before. Like you have crushed the walls you have been building for many years. Like—just like that.

 

You want me to drive you home, he offered in doubt.

You stared at his eyes thoroughly.

Oh shut up, your heart is not a titanium, just say no, the mind told you too.

Maybe a little bit test, your heart interrupted.

Test your own self fool, your mind protested, there’s no time for that.

 

You’re still stoned and caught him seeing you, waiting for an answer.

Is it okay, you whispered in doubt too.

Sure, I can’t let you go home alone anyway, he answered as he smiled.

But, after one more cup and one more talk, he added.

You never expected that kind of response.

Is it okay to feel this, you asked your own self as you could not handle a little butterfly tickles your belly.

 

You talked and laughed and sometimes let the air took control.

You didn’t actually know where this all would lead.

Would this end in flame just for tonight?

Would there be no other hi after this time?

Would he just come crossing your lines like other persons?

Would your mind show that it’s right or—would the heart win?

 

You really have no idea. But as you turned your head and saw smile in his face, you thought;

It’s okay. I am afraid yet I just want to enjoy the very moment. And it’s enough.

On The Hardest Night, I Try Telling My Heart This

It has been a rough rocky road and I appreciate that you hold yourself just to survive.

I know many times you are in pain, sore, but you resist to admit that it did happen.

You keep beating as if there is no one try to wound you, even if it ain’t.

 

It has always been a tough time when you keep distributing the blood all over the body,

just to push this person so that she could keep breathing, like a normal one.

When in fact she always feels like she is in the narrow, compact room in which there is no space to gulp an oxygen.

And I really appreciate you could go thru.

 

It has been a heavy day when you keep telling the mind that everything is just a temporary.

That all the storm it faces now is only a while.

That it will still be a light at the end of the tunnel.

That perhaps, the pain you feel it is just an illusion and it sure could be vanished.

 

Therefore, I thank you for going through these.

 

 

 

Support Will Mean More While They Are Still Alive, Not When They Have Just Gone

Classic quotes says, we will start realizing that someone is very precious in this life after they are no longer with us.

Either it is because of a broken relationship, a divorce, or even worse, because of the death. That then, we will be poured by the very deep sadness and gloominess after they gone. But, does it still have a meaning for them or maybe for our surrounding even it has just happened after they gone?

We all know that world is now broken because of a sudden demise of one of the lasting bands’ lead vocal, Chester Bennington. There are lots of outpouring loves and supports come from all over the world, remarking that Chester was the best figure that ever lived, that everyone put their heart into it, and that they will miss him so much since then.

Of course, it’s normal thing to happen, especially when it comes to public figures who grab people’s heart. Losing and yearning become one package. The sudden throwback of how beautiful the memories they ever kept in mind play over and over again. Many people want to showcase that they care about that people’s bereavement. A lot.

But one thing provokes the big question is that, why have these all  just happened now? Where have we been before?

Mentioned that one which triggered the suicidal act Chester did was a depression. Reported a lot too that he had a tough battle of his mental health. He was also molested when he was seven years old. That then in one peaceful day, when he had just dropped his family home, he was found hanging himself. That day, he decided to end his 41 years of life in this world. Sad, tragic, but it could happen to anyone, not only to public figures whose life often being too much exposed and pressed.

But then again, why people have just put their attention only after it happened? Where have we been along this whole time?

The truth, most of the times we don’t really care toward something related to someone’s life.

We don’t want to involve ourselves too far in the problems that people have. We think, we also have our own lives and problems that need to overcome. Moreover, when we start seeing the load of troubles people have are getting bigger, deeper, and more serious. And it seems have no ending, we start taking a step back and consider to just watching from afar. Because again, we don’t wanna be infected by negative vibes. Especially when the person begins to showing that they have a tendency to do a self-harming, and it’s very hard to prevent them. We think, okay I will just get out from their messy life, and let just they be it.

Well, it’s again, a normal after all. Because we are not an angel that could magically help people’s life, right? We have our own limit and we will just stop trying when the situation gets hard.

But, what we can learn from Chester’s story and the world’s sympathy is that we could be an angel. We could magically help saving people’s life. Not by waiting until something bad happen first, but while they are still needing our support, silently or outspokenly.

It is when our inner instinct tells us to approach them because we feel that they need us, and it’s not always them telling us first. We could feel it, we could see it. Even some of them will tell you openly that they really want to end their depressing life. Simple, just tell them that their lives is precious. That there are hundreds of ways to find the solution. That there are lots of thing they could do to channel their stress mind into something more productive. And this one works effectively, just tell that when they start harming their self, nothing will happen. Their problems will never be solved. And if they are trying to grab attention, no one will see them just because they harm their self.

Give them the insight, what if they end their life now and the fact is that everything get better the day after they took their lives, wouldn’t they regret it? Once they slice their wrist and God say, okay I will take your life now, they could never reverse and take it back. Remind them like that.

That’s how our supports will give more meaning to them. While they are still alive and needing it. Not when we could only see their body hanged.

Let’s be an angel for those who need it.

 

 

​When You Were Only A Snack For Their Starving Ego

You finally noticed, it wasn’t you, it’s them.

You thought, there’s perhaps something wrong with yourself because they never showed their curiosity toward you. They never seemed eager to dig something deeper about you. They didn’t look interested to swim into your life. Even only for casual purposes, they just didn’t.
You thought, this was perhaps just a part of the long way steps. The beginning phase that you needed to understand. The part wherein you had to hold up yourself for revealing anything about you, one by one, just like peeling an onion. Because you assumed, maybe they wanted to know.
You thought, oh probably you needed to re-polish your life so that it could attract them just a little bit more. Cause you didn’t think they were totally uninterested with you. Cause you didn’t see they didn’t want you in their lives. 
They always tried to drag you back everytime you started going away. They always tried to knot their rope every second you decided to cut it off. They always tried to pull you closer that made you thought, oh you guessed you just needed to give them a second chance. And everything might be better. But it wasn’t, they didn’t.
It was not you, it was them.



When they only talked about how they ran their lives in a day-to-day basis without even asking how yours was. When they were busy telling you about what their favorite songs were, or which café they tended to choose, or how their weekend was without even asking you back. Without even giving you seconds to tell yours.
That when you gone missing, because you were just tired of always listening their long fairytale of their own world. Or because you felt like there was no point of keeping this relationship. Or because you wanted to stop caring them; They just came close to you by asking, “Where have you been?” like you were so precious.
And when your stupid foolish mind whispered, yeah just one more chance, and you gave it. By hoping they would change. By wishing they would never be absorbed in their own world again. But they didn’t. And you knew that time, that’s why they wanted you back. Because they only needed a validation of their own existence. They only wanted them to be known, to feel being liked, and to let people entered their “I AM” world.
They just needed you to feed their hunger ego of starving the popularity, the “showcase here my world” program. They would never care about you even if they seemed. Because their only goal was just to make everything focuses only to them. Only about them. And that’s it.
You’re not a snack on the market that they could only pick in the hunger and then leave it on the dustbin. No, you’re not. You deserve even better.

To All Women, Here Is Why You Must Keep Your Career On Track After Getting Married

Nothing is more blissful than being a wife of someone who love you so much.

Someone who might give you tons of promises to always be together since he gives you a ring. That sacred ring where all your waiting ends. And you believe him because this was one of your ultimate goals; to get married and build a family. When you finally say yes, everything in your world turns a little different. Getting money and a job promotion are no longer on your first list. Showing off your hectic life in your office story is no more interesting for you.

That’s why you don’t feel anything when you have to give the resignation letter to your boss. Even if your boss ensures you with the question, “You are on the top of your career, are you sure to do this?” You nod without any hesitation. So what? Because you have a real life now. The life you have been dreaming of; being his Mrs.

The comeback from your sweet honeymoon might still feels a dreamlike. Waking up beside him and still sometimes can’t believe yourself that you are now his. Watching and cuddling with him beneath the warm and cozy blanket. And then voluntarily move to prepare for his breakfast before he works. And still, it feels like a dream comes true. Posting all your breakfast and daily newlywed’s activities almost everyday because you want to share the happiness you have with him. Your one and only husband. You want the world know.

You don’t mind even if you spend your entire 20s life to chase that degree which only ends up in this kitchen. You have no objection to agree with what he ask that it’s better for you to fully stay at home. All day long. Cleaning the house, sometimes doing grocery shopping, learning new skills of how to be a great wife on the kitchen and bed, and sometimes just flicking to the television on the couch.

You are happy and there’s no need to wonder.

And then you are now having his baby in your tummy. The little him. You will soon to be a mother and he looks more than wonderful to know it. He takes care of you very much because he just anxious if something happen with the baby. Until your due date comes and he accompanies your labor. And then it’s a perfect package of complete happiness; A little family. What a sweet story everyone dreams of.

But you know what, it’s not because I am being a sarcastic or pessimist that I have to tell you the bitter part. The other story you might never watched before because perhaps you’ve been living in a very peaceful bunch of families and neighborhood along this time. The truth is that;

I have been witnessing many women in my life suffering after the passing of their husband.

Not only because of the death tear them apart, but also because of divorce. Some might end up with the grief they try to cope, some struggle so hard to strike a blow for their certainty of legal issues, some fight to win back their own property things, and some just try to keep breathing like a normal when they definitely can’t.

This somehow reminds me of what my mom ever said, “Never cease your career life even if you have a rich husband and he promises to vouched for your entire life.” And when I asked why, she didn’t answer. But now I got it.

Surviving your career life after getting married isn’t only about keeping the money flows, but also maintaining your networking.

I know, you can still have a certain kind of society without being an employee. But this case, I talk about the opportunity and doors that might open for you. With or without your husband meddled with. It’s okay to cut down your very busy schedule by re-negotiating your position with your boss if it’s possible. Rather than giving it up at all. It’s okay not to give your time as much as when you were still single. Because you have to take care your household life.

But again, if you’re now a career woman and getting married with someone, I think you need to reconsider if you want to change from a full time employee into a full time wife.

Let’s just talk the sorest part we never want to face. If someday, something happen with your marriage, and your husband leaves you in a situation in which you are a full time wife, either forever or for other woman, and he doesn’t leave any penny for you, what will happen with you and perhaps your children? Are you going to give up being a mother for them?

I’m sure you won’t unless you still have a Cinderella’s mother lineage.

The main benefit if you keep your career on track after married is surely in your financial life. You might have to handle your husband’s money, but you have your own. You can either use it to support him or just spend it for your fun. The other advantage is on your self-esteem, how you value yourself as not only a wife but also a woman separated from your married life. Yourself still have a high price even if you’re no longer single. Out of the Mrs. title in front of your name, you have your intellectual badass mind, a sexy brain, and a youthful skills of work, and of course piles of professional experiences that many companies willing to buy.

Means, if the bitter scenario of your marriage runs, you still can be alive with a normal breathing. You might struggle as a single parent, but not as hard as those who decided to cut off their career. You might face a rocky way to maintain your household needs, but not as hard as those who doesn’t even have anything to sale.

So, all the Mrs. soon to be, being a career woman doesn’t mean you are an alpha independent who doesn’t know where your root as a wife, but it shows that you always have a backup plan. Because nothing is sure in this life. You need to be ready for every kind of change.

*