The Days I Fight So Hard, If Only You Knew

Who doesn’t like the euphoria of falling with someone?
The morning when you wake up with the reason to smile. The night you spend with overnight call until you feel your eyes are glued but you don’t want to give up the call. The day when he or she finally asks you when you both are going to meet. The second when you see him or her and you want to freeze the moment at least for longer times.
In fact, everybody addicts to the chemical reaction in their gut when they are falling in love. The very first starting point of relationship that is a whole better than a bar of chocolate. It excites you, it boosts you, and even it drives you crazy. The mechanism that is  stronger than a doping pil. It energizes you too.
We love the idea of having someone to crush with. And even it crushes our heart too because the name itself is crush. 
It crushes your heart when you see their name popping up on your screen. It crushes your heart when you hear their electrical voices. It crushes your heart just by a simple question from them asking how your day was. It crushes your heart when they say a little thing that reminding them of you. It even crushes your heart by coincidentally listening to a song that you both like it somewhere. 
It feels like there is a butterfly in your belly tickling you but you like that sensation. Moreover, you addict on it. The addiction that sometimes crushes your heart more in pieces.
It crushes you more when they don’t text you unreasonably. It crushes you more when there is no call at all during a week. It crushes you more when you play over the memory you have with them recently and kind of starving for it. It crushes you more simply by overanalyzing if you are good enough to keep their attention to you. And it crushes you more just by hoping their hello at the end of your bad day.
We seem are a pseudomasochist because we let our heart in pain just because we love crushing with them. And even we have tough days to fight for.
It is the day when you have a tremendous battle between your feeling toward them and the fact that you have already know. It is the day when you have to fight the urge of texting them first while they are ghosting you. It is the day when you are slapped by your own mind because you know you can’t hope anything from your undefined and almost relationship. It is the day when you struggle so hard to fight the thought that if they meant to call you, they would. It is the day when you miss them so freakingly hard but you restrain yourself not to tell them. Because ego is a hell of drug. And it is the day when you wait them to schedule your meetup without any sudden cancellation.
It is tough, darling. The days that we fight so hard for any feeling attached toward them. And it crushes us more for hoping they would know. If only.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s