First, let’s just set the common perception about a player.
We refer a player in here as a person who likes to play a mind and psychological game in order to attract people in their surrounding, especially their opposite sex. With or without relationship attached, with or without an obvious reason.
I’m sure that you might ever meet or even have a relationship with these kind of people, a player in your life. It perhaps you just didn’t know that they were or you did but you kept things going because you just curious of how things would go. Maybe, by thinking that they would change for you.
While unfortunately, they didn’t. At all.
It’s hard not to admit that a player often has a certain irresistable charm for us.
They often look somehow attractive, good looking, talkative, nice, even popular in their own way. It’s just inevitable that we somehow eventually tricked on their sex appeal. It could be the way they socialize, the way they think about some matters, or maybe it’s just the charm of their physical appearance.
The problem comes when we are getting to know closer with them, we realize that they just try to attract us so that we could join the ‘fanbase’ they have been making along this time. We might notice this from their social medias. If you are a guy, you notice that there are tons of ‘oh girl you look so beautiful, when are we gonna meet?’ comments on her every posting that end up being unreplied. If you are a girl, you see it from how much he spreads the love buttons along with leaving the ‘hey girl you look cute as always’ comment in many of ladies’ postings. Crap.
It’s actually easy to know if someone is player.
As a human, either you are a guy or girl, we have an instinct, a gut feeling that tells us something implicitly, including this case. But at worst, even if we know that perhaps it’s not only us getting hurt by them, we still feel that hurt. Knowing that the attention they gave to us was actually not too special. They sell it to everyone.
So, the question comes after that is whether some people meant to be born as a player?
M. Farouk Radwan tells that there are certain reasons people end up by being a player and I could highlight that it is all about the insecurity.
A player who often stands up as a confident (sometimes over confident) person is actually not that confident. They even are still trying to reassure their selves by getting a validation from the other. Yes, it’s like they are needing a prove from outward so bad. Because they still couldn’t discover their very own selves, they need an approval from others. They hunger for their ‘oh you are so attractive and good looking that I can’t even resist’ just to make sure that they are. They thirst of ‘I miss you and I want to be on your side’ just to know that their presence are needed.
Many of players are actually craving for the feeling of being wanted and desired.
No wonder, if you are currently making a relationship with someone like this, you are often trapped being ghosted. Five days in a row he or she was so clingy and showering you with their attention, and the next two weeks he or she would just disappeared from your orbit. No text, no call, nothing but they kept updating their social lives online. The strongest reason is that they want you to want them. They want you to prioritize them by showing that you are not always their priority. Ouch.
So, what shall we do if we fall for these kind of people?
Stop feeding them a validation they always seek from us.
I know that we love to play a game since we were child. But it’s a big no no for these kind of mind and psychological games. We will be wounded, especially our self-esteem and our self-regard. Because, once we are surviving them, letting our own selves tricked in their games, we will often fall in a feeling of insecure. We will doubting ourselves many times because of feeling not enough for them. Especially when they start to spread their hook and play as a ghost. We will slowly lose our value and self-love by feeling not worthy for them.
It might be hard at the first because as I said before, they somehow have a very strong magnetic charm that we often can’t resist. But, how many times will we let them playing our psychological feeling? How many chance will we give for them to threat our mental health?